Intrepid Masturbating Cable Installer Serviced Woman's Living Room with a Smile

Cable installers are dicks. They keep you on house arrest for unreasonable blocks of your day; they break appointments on a whim; they show up at your home to smile and masturbate in your living room; they install the wr—hold on.

A 24-year-old woman from Florida claims that Comcast cable installer Shane Wheatley—who had obviously seen a few too many pizza delivery porno scenes—came to her home and exposed himself instead of installing the cable. Which is creepy, weird, and unaccountable enough. But after she turned away, she says he began to smile and masturbate at her. Well then.

The official charge that Wheatley faces is "Exposure of Sexual Organs" (though presumably he was just exposing the one?). But do you know the real and wholly appropriate sadness of this mess? The poor girl has to make another goddamn cable appointment. Fix cable. [WTSP Venice via Fark]