What’s the best flavor of Bud Light Ritas? This is a trick question.

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Every flavor of Bud Light Rita is awful and wonderful. Often found in hulking 25-ounce cans near the back of your local corner store, these Four Loco clones pack a respectable eight percent alcohol by volume. It’s perhaps the best booze-to-dollar ratio you’ll find in an aluminum can. Don’t ever buy the malt liquor in a plastic bottle, even if you think it’s a better deal. That said, all of the Bud Light Ritas are technically malt liquor, but filled with sugar and refreshing flavor.

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And there are so. Many. Flavors. They even vary by season, a bit of idiosyncratic marketing that lends an artisanal quality to the mass-produced drunk juice. Here at Gizmodo, we like to help you sort the premium products from the swill, so we teamed up for a taste-testing and have ranked our favorite Bud Light Rita flavors. Cheers to summer!

1. Apple-Ahhh-Rita

This one is only available in the fall, but we universally agree that it is the best. It’s basically carbonated apple juice that gets you wasted.

2. Cran-Brrr-Rita

This started out as a winter seasonal extension of the Rita line, but it’s so popular you can usually find it year-round now.

3. Lemon-Ade-Rita

Yet another seasonal special, the Lemon-Ade-Rita is like Mike’s Hard Lemonade in a can plus maybe an extra cup of sugar.

4. Lime-a-Rita

This is the original Rita. As one reviewer on Beer Advocate describes it, the drink “smells just like a Margarita.” It tastes slightly worse than the worst margarita you’ve ever had.

5. Water-Melon-Rita

Do you like the idea of drinking Jolly Ranchers? You’ll love this flavor.

6. Straw-Ber-Rita

A fruity treat, the Straw-Ber-Rita came out after the Lime-a-Rita. Imagine infusing a bunch of cheap vodka with strawberry-flavored Sour Patch Kids. And then add even more sugar.

7. Grape-Ahh-Rita

I can’t imagine that Bud Light made this flavor specifically to get teens into drinking. It’s alcoholic grape Fanta.

8. Mang-o-Rita

Honestly, I don’t know how to describe this. I’ve never tasted parrot piss, but it probably tastes like a non-carbonated version of this.

9. Raz-Ber-Rita

This flavor is so bad, we didn’t even bother testing it. Actually, we couldn’t find it, probably because it’s so bad that stores don’t want to carry it.