Images: Craigslist

If you have a giant house that you find lonely to live in by yourself, then why not consider filling it with 28 wax Amish school kids and teachers? Halloween is just around the corner.

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A Philadelphia Craigslist ad has filled a niche that we didn’t know existed and now cannot bleach from our memories:

The listing reads, emphasis ours:

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I have 28 wax figures. I’m asking $300 EACH. There are 4 mechanical. I’m selling 1 figure with a desk for $300. There out of the weavertown one room school house in bird in hand pa. They were made by dwarfmans in 1969. They were appraised at $450 to $800 each. Would love to sell as a set . If your interested in all please contact me. Please NO low balling. I had several offers that I turned down! I have no problem with offers if you buy the 28 as a set (no low balling) and no scams. I take cash on pick up . I can also take credit card but prefer cash.

The four mechanical ones seem like a deal. But I want to know about the offers he’s already turned down, did they commit the cardinal sin of low balling?

The Weavertown One Room School House was, according to Explore PA History, “an authentic one-room school, built in 1877. Life-sized animation brings this interactive classroom to life.” Except it looks like those life-sized animations no longer bring it to life, as they are currently in a basement in Pennsylvania waiting for someone (you, maybe?) to take them home. Sadly, the Weavertown One Room School House website is now defunct and the Facebook page has only one entry from 2013 on it, so we do not know what befell it to force these 28 figures out.

Tag yourself.

The seller says they’d “love to sell as a set,” which feels like a demand the 47-year-old figures made for themselves. But definitely go to the basement in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania and visit them to make sure. And don’t even thinking about low-balling.