There's something romantic about the holidays—the nice smells, the crackling fire, the snuggling under blankets. So it's understandable that you might want to get your boo a special toy. It's also understandable that you might be nervous about putting that toy under the tree. Because, you know, family.
Don't worry. We've got you covered with a selection of subtly designed sex toys that don't really look like sex toys at all. Okay, the penis-shaped one sort of does, but you can just open that one up in the bedroom on Christmas Eve.
The Discovery by Jimmyjane
Jimmyjane sort of wrote the rules for the sex-toys-that-don't-look-like-sex toys game. Having won countless design awards, their vibrators are like little works of art with pleasure-inducing motors inside. (In the case of the iconic Form 2, pictured above, there are two motors.) The Discovery kit also comes with the vibrator of your choice as well as a Countour M double-sided massage stone and an Afterglow massage oil candle. $160 [Jimmyjane]
This one's a real head scratcher. Is it some sort of kitchen tool or a sporting good? Nope! It's a handheld oral sex stimulator. The vibrating device mimics the motion of a tongue and offers 10 unique stimulation patterns. It's also very shiny. $150 [Babeland]
This one definitely looks like a lemon—or a lime. The big difference between the Minna Limon and a juicy piece of citrus fruit, however, is that this silicon-covered pleasure orb vibrates when you squeeze it. The harder you squeeze, the harder it vibrates. $80 [Amazon]
Mio by Je Joue
While it resembles a bulky fitness tracker, the Mio is a vibrating cock ring. It features seven different levels of rumbles and recharges using a magnetic dock. According to one site's description the Mio is also "flexible and strong to keep him harder for longer." Whatever works! $100 [SheVibe]
We Vibe 4
While We Vibe's pioneering device looks like an over-designed chip-clip, it's actually one of the leading products in the burgeoning teledildonics industry. That very funny word refers to connected sex toys. In this case, the We Vibe comes with a remote control that you or your partner use to control the vibration patterns and intensity. And as the shape implies, it does clip onto something—just not a bag of chips. $105 [Amazon]
Tenga 3D Polygon
Is it art? No, seriously, the Tenga 3D Polygon looks like a nice little geometric sculpture that you'd put on a shelf in your living room. In fact, it is a nice little geometric sculpture that you put your penis into to masturbate better. Once again: whatever works! $45 [Jimmyjane]
Lelo Tor 2
This green guy doesn't have anything to do with the anonymous internet service, Tor. Nope. It's another cock ring. Except the Tor 2 is designed with both of you in mind. The bulky end is made to sit on top of the penis to stimulate your partner during sex. It's also great for making references about a special ring giving you superpowers between the sheets. $120 [Lelo]
Hello Touch by Jimmyjane
Gizmodo's own Jesus Diaz once said that the "Hello Touch may be the best sex toy ever invented." While we never pressed him about his testing methods, we trust him. This Power Glove for making love is definitely unique. You basically strap the power source to your wrist and attach two tiny vibrators to your finger tips. Then the fun starts.
These affordable little marker-sized vibrators kind of look like vibrators. However, the unique shapes of each model invite a decent amount of curiosity. The shapes also refer to unique personalities. From left to right, there's the Frenchman, the Millionaire, the Fireman, and the Tennis Coach. Because if you're going to name your vibrator, you might as well give him a vocation, too. $50 each [Smile Makers]
Okay, this one definitely looks like a dick. It would be some sort of alien dick with the extra finger for clitoral stimulation, but this is certainly not a gift you'd want to open in front of your mom. It is, however, one of the newest and most innovative sex toys on the market. The MONA Wave and its finger-free sibling, the MONA Wave, vibrate, but they also make a c'mere motion to stimulate the G-spot. You can see that motion in action here. Sound like fun? The holidays only happen once a year. Go wild. $200 [Lelo]