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A Coconut Water Brand Is Offering Free Piss on Twitter Because This Is the Future

Illustration for article titled A Coconut Water Brand Is Offering Free Piss on Twitter Because This Is the Future
Screenshot: Twitter

When they looked to the future, some in the 20th century imagined wondrous technological advancements. Others foresaw a world of global totalitarian control. The future we ended up with, however, has had a little bit of both—plus a beverage company offering to send a hater some human urine on social media.

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On Wednesday, coconut water maker Vita Coco began responding to some of its harshest critics online, responding to months-old tweets comparing the company’s product to saliva, farts, and semen. “We can assure you that it doesn’t taste like...that. But we appreciate the specificity!” wrote Vita Coco in response to a November tweet that stated “Fun fact: coconut water is Crossfitter’s jizz.”

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This strange marketing moment culminated in Vita Coco exchanging messages with blogger Tony Posnanski, who eventually stated, “I would rather drink your social media persons piss than coconut water.” Then, Vita Coco offered to send him some.

Along with the offer, Vita Coco’s Twitter account shared a photo showing a young woman holding an alarming large jar of cloudy liquid. When asked by Gizmodo via Twitter DM if the substance “was really piss,” Coco Vita responded, “Yes, it’s pee.”

Illustration for article titled A Coconut Water Brand Is Offering Free Piss on Twitter Because This Is the Future
Screenshot: Twitter

Earlier this month, I warned that rewarding brands for their increasingly brazen attention-seeking behavior would result in a world where corporate entities will openly threaten us little people—and we will enjoy the hell out of it. You can decide for yourself whether this is true, but consider that, as of Wednesday evening, Vita Coco’s piss tweet has almost 5,000 likes.

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In May 2019, this kind of bizarre behavior is notable. Soon, other brands will realize this, and it won’t be. Welcome to the future, folks. We don’t have flying cars, but at least the piss is free.

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DISCUSSION

matisyahuserius
MatisyahuSerious

i have experience with this company.

once, whilst working for the production company that makes keeping up with the kardashians, a vita coco truck, as seen here:

showed up in our parking lot and dropped of 6 cases of their product, because apparently kim tweeted that she’d really like to try it. we rang her up, let her know what had happened, and she then proceeded to tweet that it was really the pineapple flavour she wanted to try, and the truck was back in less than an hour with another 6 cases.

she never stopped by to pick up any of these cases, so we drank them over the next month or so...it didnt occur to me to save any of the pee as proof.