Yes, it's true. I got a horrible virus on my beloved Dell laptop running Windows XP. My coworkers are having a field day. But seriously, I need some help. I'm willing to swallow my pride.
I don't know how I got this thing, but it's bad. I think it's a variant of Vundo and something else, but it's nasty and has made my computer near-unusable.
So who wants to help me out? Anyone in NYC consider themselves an expert on virus removal? If you can clear my computer of the nasties without needing to wipe the HDD and reinstall Windows (did I mention the DVD drive is fried?), you'll become a minor internet celebrity when I do a post extolling my love of you right here on Giz. Anyone? Please? Email me.
Update: A lot of people have suggested MalwareBytes. I've tried to run it, but I think the virus is blocking it. Same with VundoFix and MultiFix.
Update 2: Making progress! Thanks to all the advice, everyone. I got ComboFix to run by renaming it, and after that I was able to get Malwarebytes to install. Now it's scanning and I'll throw some more scans at it from various suggested programs after that. I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel, knock on wood.
Update 3: Well, it seems pretty bad. I've resigned myself to a format/reinstall. Thanks for all your help, everyone! I'm still not switching to a Mac, despite this fucking horrible experience.
Sorry I couldn't reply to all the emails, I got a shitload of them, but I seriously, seriously appreciate all the advice and help. Giz readers rule, for real.