A Fantastic (Fake) Fitness Tracker Tells You What You're Running From

The FuelBand is dead but who cares, really. Because who needs a fitness tracker that tells you how much you already ran? Now, thanks to The Onion, we have Nike's new +Runlogic, which can tell you exactly what you're running to escape.

Why do we run? Is it a loveless marriage? A disappointed father? No friends? +Runlogic takes emotional readings throughout the day and feeds them to an algorithm to find out exactly why you run.

And unlike the FuelBand, this new smartwatch will be able to give you detailed information about your run in a full-color display, right there on your wrist.

All jokes aside, I actually kind of like the +Runlogic look. I'd wear that as I sprint from my inner demons. [The Onion]