Air Force Pilots Have Anti-Freeze in Their Blood and the Air Force Doesn't Know Why

Illustration for article titled Air Force Pilots Have Anti-Freeze in Their Blood and the Air Force Doesn't Know Why

The Air Force recently noticed that some of their F-22 Raptor fighter pilots were acting erratically, specifically, they were acting drunk. But sozzled they weren't, instead it's been revealed that anti-freeze, oil fumes and propane invaded their blood. Whaaaat?


It's amazing, some of the pilots forgot simple things like how to operate the radio because of all the toxins that've contaminated their body. Obviously concerned, the Air Force promptly launched a three-month investigation and this week revealed their reports which are, um, inconclusive. They still don't know a damn thing about how it happened. All they know the pilots in six of the seven F-22 bases suffered 'hypoxia-like symptoms' (oxygen deprivation). A former F-22 pilot said:

There is a lot of nasty stuff getting pumped into the pilots' bloodstream through what they're breathing from that OBOGS [On-Board Oxygen Generation System]. That's fact. How bad it is, what type it is, exactly how much of it, how long - all these things have not been answered."

This confusing saga adds to a list of F-22 troubles. Hopefully, they figure it out soon cause the Air Force fleet of F-22 fighter jets have been grounded since May 3rd. [Air Force Times via The Atlantic Wire, Image Credit: Aero-Cafe]

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Adam Hayter

If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you may have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline - that's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible beam that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is it's working.

Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.