Autoblow2 Creator Brian Sloan Is Now Crowdfunding an Awkward 4-Pound Masturbation Sleeve

Illustration for article titled Autoblow2 Creator Brian Sloan Is Now Crowdfunding an Awkward 4-Pound Masturbation Sleeve

The designer of the somewhat terrifying robotic masturbator, the Autoblow, is running a new Indiegogo crowdfunding project to make a 3-orifice-in-one masturbation toy for men. It looks like it will be....awkward to use.


The product is called the 3Fap because apparently Sloan can’t come up with a name that’s not crudely literal. It combines 3 sleeve options, each with a different inner surface texture inside one humongous case. And although I get that a lot of guys like some variety, just look at that thing. It’s bigger than my blender, and according to the product specs on its Indiegogo page, weighs in at a hefty 3 to 4 pounds.

Now I’m definitely not the target market here, but it seems to me that moving something that big over your penis in a regular repetitive motion would get tiring. When I showed the photos to my in-house adult male, his first reaction was that “It looks like they’ve only heard of masturbation and aren’t clear on how it works.”

Sloan lays out his argument for the device’s existence on the crowdfunding page:

Existing male masturbation devices allow your penis to experience only one texture per masturbation session. Unless you held one masturbation device in your left hand, held one in your right hand, and enlisted an aide to hold and manipulate a third device, you would be unable enjoy 3 distinct texture sensations in a single masturbation event.


To which I say, come on. It’s not a magic box that psychically knows which ribbing you want to shift to: if you want to change sensations you still have to lift the device off your unit to change orifices. And reach around the front to find the right suction intensity dial.

For the $120 the company plans to ask for the 3Fap at retail, you could buy three of the handy ergonomic sleeves that are already on the market, line them up, and go to town. Brave souls can pay $49 for backing the Indiegogo campaign. But as always, you run the risk that the project won’t go down exactly as planned. Even if it does eventually exist, you’re running the risk that pleasuring yourself with a 4 pound frankengadget might suck.


[h/t Motherboard]

Images from Indiegogo

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Mary, Queen of Scoffs

Here is what I really want to know - how does something like this get cleaned? Surely guys don’t pull out whilst masturbating.