Disney's New Bedtime Hotline for Kids Lets Yoda Creep You the Hell Out Before Sleeping

Yoda, preparing for a nap of his own. Sort of. He’s just resting his eyes forever, kids.
Yoda, preparing for a nap of his own. Sort of. He’s just resting his eyes forever, kids.
Image: Lucasfilm

As another reminder of Disney owning a good chunk of the things we love, the company’s newly relaunched, limited time Bedtime Hotline service has added some characters from its most popular acquisitions. One of them I feel maybe has kind of the opposite effect of putting your kids to peaceful sleep, though.


Last year, Disney launched the Bedtime Hotline as a way for parents to let kids get a special goodnight message from one of the classic Disney icons: Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, or Goofy. But for the next two weeks, to celebrate a new line of sleepwear for kids launching on its webstore, the company has brought the service back with some extra additions.

As Polygon reports, as well as the original Disney stars, calling the toll-free number 1-877-7-MICKEY now gives parents the chance to hear a bedtime message from Toy Story’s Woody, Frozen’s Elsa and Anna, or two rather more peculiar additions: Yoda representing Star Wars, and Spider-Man representing Marvel. Naturally, because we’re still children that just happen to occupy the aged, crumbling sacks of meat and bones of adults, we had to give it a try for ourselves. Who doesn’t want an ancient Jedi Master or one of the most beloved superheroes in the world telling them to get to bed?

Don’t expect Tom Holland—it’d be a tad awkward at this point—when you select Spider-Man. It’s a generic, upbeat, very chipper Spidey who’s a bit more in line with Robbie Daymond’s take on the character from the Disney XD Spider-Man show. He’s...kind of rude, actually, telling your kid about his own day and how he’s tired too, so they maybe should get to sleep too. It’s more about Spidey, and less about your kid needing to get in bed:

The Yoda call, however...is something. Like Spidey, this is clearly not Frank Oz, but does a good enough job (it’s unconfirmed, but it seems like it could be Tom Kane, who voices Yoda in a litany of Star Wars material like The Clone Wars, Rebels, and video games).

It’s not that part that’s weird though. It’s the bit of the message where, after the very cute analogy that the Force is like a blanket—just, y’know, for existence—it’s the bit where he gets trippy about what your kid can expect in their beddy-byes dreaming:

Yoda. Buddy. What are you doing? You think a kid who needs to get some sleep needs to hear that their dreams encompass all of time and space, are real, and that you will see them there inside the dream? If that’s not enough to set a kid’s head spinning with existential crises, I don’t know what it is.


Anyway, if you want to give your child the ominous message that should they close their eyes and go to bed tonight, a chuckling little space goblin wizard will watch them in their deepest subconscious, you can call up the Disney Bedtime Hotline now—but do it quick, it’s only running between today and September 30.

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James is a News Editor at io9, where you can find him delivering your morning spoilers, writing about superheroes, and having many feelings about Star Wars. He wants pictures. Pictures of Spider-Man!


A Lantern of Hope

The ending is especially relevant: