Don't be fooled: dolphins are actually huge assholes

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

The crew of marine-minded misfits running the show at Deep Sea News recently posted a rebuttal to Treehugger's well-meaning, but ultimately ingenuous, list of 10 Reasons Why Dolphins Are Undeniably Awesome. DSN's list? 10 reasons that dolphins are raging assholes.

"[Treehugger's] list is all nice and well but... does overlook some key aspects of dolphins that should be recognized," writes DSN's Craig McClain. Like the fact that they've been known to gang rape females for weeks at a time (what is sometimes described as forcible/coercive mating), attempt mating with humans, and murder their own young. And to top it all off — DOLPHINS NEVER SLEEP:

Yep dolphins can stay awake for five days straight with no loss of mental acuity. And after missing all that sleep they don't even need to catch it up with little dolphin naps. So great, horny dolphins are probably awake while I'm sleeping. Just fantastic.


Check out the whole list of reasons dolphins are never to be trusted over at Deep Sea News.