Illustration by: Angelica Alzona
Illustration by: Angelica Alzona

The Gizmodo office is rife with Australians.

I mean. There are only two. But that is a lot, statistically speaking. According to Wikipedia there are only about 60 well-known Australians in America. Also according to Wikipedia, in the year 2000, there were only about 61,000 Aussies horfing down Vegemite while telling us that what we had wasn’t a knife. So to have two of them rolling around the office talking about made up sounding places like Sydney and Melbourne was some absolute culture shock.


But it has also made me try to sound cool and worldly by mentioning things I love about their “blessed country”—only to realize that I was actuallytalking about New Zealand. So here’s the deal, outside of Mad Max: Fury Road and Baz Lurhman’s seminal ode to ranching, Australia, the land from Down Under has given this world of ours basically nothing.

I mean they charge like $4,000 for a copy of Photoshop, give trees their own mailing addresses, and won’t let people play NecroVisioN, which I was hoping was about necrophilia but is really just a game about killing dead Nazis or something.


Also I am a hundred percent sure their Prime Minister has too many nipples.

The Prime Minister of Australia (Image: Victoria’s Transport Accident Commission)
The Prime Minister of Australia (Image: Victoria’s Transport Accident Commission)

Meanwhile things New Zealand has going for it:

  • Lucy Lawless
  • hobbits
  • Peter Jackson (?)
  • The Frighteners
  • Cliff Curtis
  • That new Pete’s Dragon movie, apparently
  • Whale Rider
  • Really nice scenery
  • Lucy Lawless
  • Hercules: The Legendary Journey
  • Cleopatra 2525
  • The Piano
  • That one tree
  • Lucy Lawless
  • The best episodes of House Hunters International
  • Kiwi fruit
  • Kiwi birds
  • Karl Urban
  • Manu Bennet
  • Xena

Like, look at the numbers guys. Australia simply cannot compare to the wonder and majesty of New Zealand. So let’s officially lay the trans-Tasman rival to rest, because Australia can’t win.


Senior Consumer Tech Editor. Trained her dog to do fist bumps. Once wrote for Lifetime. Tips encouraged via Secure Drop, Proton Mail, or DM for Signal.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter