FanFic Thanksgiving Feast: Which Fictional Creatures We Want to Eat

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Illustration: Jim Cooke (Gizmodo)

One of the best things about working with a bunch of brilliant, delightful nerds is when you pose twisted questions in the office, everyone takes them very seriously.

Recently I was hungry and scrolling through io9, and I found myself wondering what certain Pokemon taste like. It isn’t the first time I’ve thought about devouring a fictional creature—I’ve been imagining slicing into a tender Star Wars porg chop ever since we asked a bunch of food experts what the adorable waterbird tastes like.

As Thanksgiving was approaching and everyone was already contemplating what meals they were going to be preparing, I thought it would be a good time to pose the question to my esteemed colleagues: What fictional animal would you like to include in your Thanksgiving feast?


io9 deputy editor Jill Pantozzi was first to respond: Bulbasaur salad, explaining, “I can’t pick something from something I actually like.”

Several others also suggested Pokemon, because, as tech reporter Sam Rutherford put it: “There are too many delicious Pokemon, they would have to get their own banquet.”


Someone suggested roast Mew. Science reporter Ryan Mandelbaum pointed out Snorlax “is essentially just wagyu beef,” expounding: “ultimately what you’re looking for is something with a strong fat content, but not so fatty that you’re just eating fat.”

io9 writer Charles Pulliam-Moore said he would eat a Pikachu. He suggested preparing it by first stuffing it and then make it “cook itself by stimulating the electric sacks in its cheeks.”


Pulliam-Moore also said he would eat The Shape of Water fish man, “raw, sashimi style.” Reporter Germain Lussier would like a full pescatarian meal—he wants to eat the entire cast of The Little Mermaid, minus the humans: “Yummy Sebastian. Yummy Flounder.”

Our senior video producer Danielle Steinberg also went the animation route: “I’d roast Shrek on a pit. Apple in his mouth. ”


Cheryl Eddy of io9 said “any of the Fantastic Beasts might make a good steak.” io9 writer James Whitbrook said he wants Smaug: “like, what does goddamn dragon taste like.”

Some other good beastly suggestions: Jabba the Hutt strip steak, Grinch meat, Fawkes the Phoenix (“natural hot wings”), escargot made from the giant racing snail in The Neverending Story.


Things quickly spun out of control into a delicious cornucopia that would horrify any normal child: Kermit the Frog legs, My Little Pony roast, Teenage Mutant Nina Turtle soup. Then Lussier amped it up: “It’s always more sinister if it’s a Disney character, so turtle soup, but with Squirt and Crush.”

Rutherford opined whether or not Cookie Monster would retain some of the cookiness of his diet. “If he’s meaty but with cookie sweetness, he’d prolly be delicious BBQed.” Rutherford wrote.


Our culture editor Hudson Hongo wasn’t sure what he’d eat, but I think I know what he’d be doing post-meal, thanks to his contribution to the conversations: “hello i dont know if this is the right time or place but i want vape WALL·E’s blood.”

What about you? What exquisite creature would you like to pick up from the inter-dimensional supermarket and include in your feast?