Giz Tip: Don't Hire A Hit Man via Text Message

Illustration for article titled Giz Tip: Dont Hire A Hit Man via Text Message

Oklahoma native and rebellious speller Tonia Mullins, in a spectacular act of self-incrimination, used text messages to contact a hit man to "take care" of her lover's wife. Mullins conspired with her beau, Army soldier Michael Andrew Crawford, to have the poor Mrs. Crawford killed and her insurance money used to buy Mullins and her beau a nice house. Thankfully, Mullins was far too stupid to actually hurt anybody, and the text messages are absolutely priceless. The texts are written in a hybrid of English, texting shorthand, and whatever English-like language they speak in Oklahoma, so I can't 100% translate all of them. I can say that they are way less subtle than you'd expect from somebody trying to hire an assassin. This exchange I particularly don't understand: Co-conspirator Robin Berry: "Well maybe I can het friend n trade something he owes me big favors anyway" Tonia Mullins: "If I can do ne thang let me know. Robin I swear I will give the $ when it comes n ... that is n no way a problem ... as long as accident I." Mullins had asked her friend, Robin Berry, to help her contact a hit man, and the two got no further than discussing price between themselves before the police were tipped off and the whole silly enterprise ended. An undercover agent with the Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation arrested Mullins and her co-conspirators easily, and the deliciously inept plotters plead guilty earlier this month. [Wired]


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A good lawyer could get the case dimissed as nothing they wrote makes sense. It's almost as if they were as well trained in the English language as those who write these blogs or comment on them.