Good Luck Trying to Avoid Disney's Descendants 2

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Hey all, who remembers Disney’s Descendants, a Disney Channel original movie about the children of fairy tale characters going to high school and that involved a number of very hilarious songs and improbable plot twists? Well, we’ve been hearing about the sequel forever and we finally have a premiere date. And it turns out it might be harder not to watch it.

Disney announced that the sequel will premiere July 21 on five networks: Disney Channel, ABC, Disney XD, Freeform and Lifetime. That covers kids, adults, basic cable, and a network. All at once.

It’s important to me that I share with you the synopsis for this movie, which has burrowed into my soul and lives there now:

In “Descendants 2,” the story deepens as the Villain Kids (AKA “VKs”) – Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay – continue to try to find their place in idyllic Auradon. When the pressure to be royal becomes too much for Mal, she returns to her rotten roots on the Isle of the Lost where her archenemy Uma, the daughter of Ursula, has taken her spot as self-proclaimed queen of the run-down town. Uma, still resentful over not being selected by Ben to go to Auradon Prep with the other Villain Kids, stirs her pirate gang including Captain Hook’s son Harry and Gaston’s son Gil, to break the barrier between the Isle of the Lost and Auradon, and unleash all the villains imprisoned on the Isle, once and for all.


A) The first part is impenetrable if you have not seen the first one (Mal is Maleficent’s daughter, Evie is the Evil Queen’s daughter, Carlos is Cruella’s son, Jay is Jafar’s son and they all live on the Isle of the Lost because when Belle and the Beast took over the world, they put all the villains on a prison island and any children they had while there I guess got punished too. In the first movie, Ben the son of Belle and the Beast is about to become king when his dad abdicates and he decides to bring the villain kids to his prep school on the mainland. Except, the sequel tells us, apparently only four of the villain kids, for some reason.) B) “VKs.” This is so dumb, I love it. C) Oh, sure, Ursula’s kid has a pirate gang. While trapped on punishment island. C) Look at Uma’s plan. This is why you don’t punish kids for their parents’ crime. It leads to a cycle of revenge only suited to Disney Channel musicals.

Anyway, we’ll see all that on July 21. Will I be drunkenly explaining it as I did last time? You bet.