Hot N' Holy: The Sexiest Of Hollywood's Heavenly Host

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

This week Legion reigns down with one giant shirtless tattooed angel fight, but this isn't the first time Hollywood's been stuck on a wing fetish. So which angel is truly is the most heavenly? We rank God's ranks for you.


Who: Gabriel
From: Constantine
Why He/She's Gives Us The Holy Fever: Tilda Swinton mastered the art of the androgynous holy creature that you didn't know whether to kiss or kill. It was that mystery that really added to the mystique of God's favorite angel.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: While the angel's gorgeous skin and angelic curls were pure perfection, we'd rather raid Gabriel's closet than his/her strappy sexy insane asylum inspired pants. Plus there's that whole tried to end the world thing.

Advertisement

Heavenly Host Ranking: 5/10


Who: Seth
From: City of Angels
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Some people consider Nic Cage hot. We don't know why. It's just a a thing.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: Besides the fact that sleeping with this fallen angel screened like a date rape for the audience? It was the most most filthy unholy thing we've ever seen, and we wanted to bathe our eyes in holy water after the entire viewing experience. Also, when did heaven start handing out low cut v-neck t-shirts to it's Earthly errand runners? Exposing the world to that kind of chest hair shirt combination is a sin.

Heavenly Ranking: 2/10

Advertisement


Who: Castiel
From: Supernatural
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Those piercing eyes, the hair, the stubble, the jacket, and most importantly, the voice! I could listen to Castiel read a cook book. In a show where we're embarresingly thinking up all sorts of mortal sins for the main characters, when Castiel lands on screen he always steals the show.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: The only bad thing about Castiel was when he spent time as a human. He was wimpy and sickly human-like. It was wrong. Let's just pretend it never happened.

Heavenly Ranking: 9/10

Advertisement


Who: Gabriel
From: The Prophecy
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Because we're scared to disobey him or he'll kill us, bring us back to life, and burn our reanimated corpse. And honestly, even though I'm a huge huge huge fan of Eric Stolz and his angelic performance in The Prophecy, sometimes it's more fun to root for the bad guy. Especially when he blows fire kisses.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: Hello? Christopher Walken. You don't mess with that.

Heavenly Ranking: 2/10 (It's better than Nic Cage any day, but we're staying far the hell away.)

Advertisement



Who: Dudley
From: The Preacher's Wife
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: He doesn't, in fact he's kind of a smarmy dick Angel trying to steal another man's wife.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: He's no Cary Grant. Plus, did we mention his name was Dudley?

Advertisement

Heavenly Ranking: 0.5/10

Advertisement

Who: Michael
From: Michael
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Loves pie, dancing, drinking and staying up late having sex with giant wings on. It's like our Match.com profile.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: Have your seen John Travolta lately? The man ages like bad cheese.

Heavenly Ranking: 7/10

Advertisement

Who: Al the Boss Angel

Angels In The Outfield
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Swing and a miss. Christopher Lloyd is a doctor, not a sex icon. Sorry.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: Because it's a kids movie, you pervs.

Heavenly Ranking: 0/10

Advertisement

Who: Emma Thompson
From: Angels In America
Why He/She's Gives Us The Holy Fever: An exceptionally powerful performance, when she flies in and blows out the walls to a little Manhattan apartment, complete with choir soundtrack, hot.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: We're not, that was burn the clothes off you with God's wrath hot. Plus she has 8 vaginas.

Heavenly Ranking: 7/10

Advertisement


Who: Michael
From: Legion
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Fake poster add-on muscles, crazy tattoos, guns and some sort of collar device. Who knew heaven would have S&M?
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: According to editor Graeme, Paul Bettany has a "punchable" face. I think it's rather nice, but let's call a spade a spade: Like those tatts, Paul's muscles are fake.

Heavenly Ranking: 8/10

Advertisement


Who: Six And Baltar
From: Battlestar Galactica
Why They Gives Us The Holy Fever: Heavens these two bring the best cable TV sexin' that you can get away with every week. They know how to work a room, chair, cot, lab, elevator, airplane...the works.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: Talk incessantly about religion, and ruined the finale.

Heavenly Ranking: 9/10

Advertisement


Who: Loki & Bartleby
From: Dogma
Why They Gives Us The Holy Fever: They're a wonderful team, pull off the whole hoodie blazer look that all angels apparently have to wear in Kevin Smith's movie quite well. Plus, you'll never want for sexy witty banter.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: Exceptionally twitchy trigger fingers, these two.

Heavenly Ranking: 9/10.....because not as hot as....

Advertisement


Who: Metatron
From: Dogma
Why He Gives Us The Holy Fever: Has a way with words and a snarky reaction for every situation, yet still cares.
Why We're Hesitant To Convert: We're not! Smite us now, Alan Rickman.

Heavenly Ranking: 10/10