How Did Mark Zuckerberg Kill the Goat?

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We have a lot of questions about Facebook’s CEO, some of which we’ve posed on this very website. But a new interview with Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has introduced one mystery we absolutely must unravel: Did Mark Zuckerberg shoot a goat to death with lasers?

Speaking to Rolling Stone, Dorsey was asked about his “most memorable encounter” with Zuckerberg. He then recounted a strange anecdote about the world’s fifth richest man killing a goat with a “laser gun.” From Rolling Stone:

[Dorsey:] Well, there was a year when he was only eating what he was killing. He made goat for me for dinner. He killed the goat.

[Rolling Stone:] In front of you?

[Dorsey:] No. He killed it before. I guess he kills it. He kills it with a laser gun and then the knife. Then they send it to the butcher.


When pressed, Dorsey seemed less certain, saying, “I don’t know. A stun gun. They stun it, and then he knifed it. Then they send it to a butcher.”

As you may recall, Zuckerberg did indeed pursue a personal challenge in 2011 where he only ate the meat of animals he personally killed. “I’ve learned a lot about sustainable farming and raising of animals,” he told Fortune at the time. “It’s easy to take the food we eat for granted when we can eat good things every day.”


Okay, sounds normal, but were you blasting these things with a space bazooka, my guy? Dorsey’s comment raises a few interesting possibilities:

1. Dorsey simply misspoke with his initial description, and Zuckerberg indeed used some kind electric shock device to stun the goat before bleeding it. Electric stunners are sometimes used to render smaller animals unconscious before slaughter, and often have a wand-type design. Personal electroshock weapons, such as Tasers, would likely be inadequate and inhumane for this purpose.


2. Dorsey was mistaken twice, and what he described as “a stun gun” was, in fact, a captive bolt pistol Zuckerberg used to kill the goat. These devices stun animals by shooting a retractible rod into their skulls and entered popular culture as the weapon of choice of Anton Chigurh, the antagonist of Cormac McCarthy’s No Country for Old Men and the film adaptation of the same name.

3. Dorsey accidentally told the truth the first time, and Mark Zuckerberg really does have some kind of secret Terminator gun he used to zap that poor goat to the big garbage dump in the sky. Realizing his error, Dorsey then made up the whole “stun gun” thing.


So which is it? We have out own suspicions, but only the heads of the world’s most exhausting social networks may know for sure.

We have reached out to both Facebook and Jack Dorsey for comment and will update this story if and when they reply.


If you know anything about Mark Zuckerberg’s “laser gun” or have your own theories about the nature of the device, please email us at