How to Piss Off Your Friends With iMessage Apps

Image: Gizmodo
Image: Gizmodo

iOS 10 is here, and it brings a whole host of terrible features to iMessage. You can now send the most important people in your life bad stickers, insensitive animations, and more proof than they ever needed that you’re a total dick.

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In fact, the new iMessage helps you fulfill the so-called best piece of advice you often hear before a first date or a job interview, which is “just be yourself.” Now you can do that... with Angry Birds stickers.


Send those irritating features to people who don’t have iOS 10

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The dumb new features—“loud,” “slam,” “gentle”—are bad enough if you have iOS 10, but they’re even worse if you don’t. The messages I sent to this friend were done with these new features, but she had no idea what the fuck I was talking about, because she doesn’t have iOS 10, so it showed up like this:

Sophie Kleeman: Hey (sent with Gentle Effect)


In times of grief, send balloons

It’s the best way.


Take advantage of all the terrible stickers

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The Today Show stickers, while awful, aren’t all iOS 10 has to offer. You can also choose from sticker packs for Angry Birds, Super Mario Run, BuzzFeed News, “country superstar” Brett Kissel, and something called #Lingo, which purports to be “the only flashing sticker pack you need for all the buzzwords of the moment.” Hm.


Embrace your inner grammar snob

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Actually, don’t, this is a terrible app, just correct your friend’s grammar in-text like normal people.


Polls

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This polling app is like How to Win Friends and Influence People for the modern age.


Gift your Bernie Bro (or Trumpian) pals with Hillary stickers

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He or she will definitely assume it’s Hillary’s fault.


Kindly provide people with a very long checklist of things you know they need to do

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They will love it this checklist app! Happy texting.

Sophie is a former news editor at Gizmodo.

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