Idiots Shocked to Learn That 'Natural' Skincare Products Can Give You Nasty Rashes

A man gathers lavender flowers during harvest in Bulgaria (AP Photo/Valentina Petrova)
A man gathers lavender flowers during harvest in Bulgaria (AP Photo/Valentina Petrova)

If you slap the term “natural” on your skincare product, companies can instantly sell more of it at a higher price. But the term “natural” has no official definition in the United States. And many people are shocked to learn that humans can be allergic to “natural” skincare products. These people are idiots.


According to the Wall Street Journal, sales of expensive facial skincare products labeled as “natural” jumped 25 percent between 2013 and 2015. Products with lavender, ylang-ylang, peppermint, tea tree oil, and jasmine are becoming increasingly popular. And they’re giving lots of people big red rashes.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

Some dermatologists who specialize in [allergic contact dermatitis] say they are seeing more cases tied to ingredients such as lavender, peppermint and jasmine. “These ingredients are ubiquitous,” says Nina Botto, assistant professor of dermatology at University of California, San Francisco. “Everybody is starting to see more of this.”

“Natural” is a marketing term, pure and simple. People who tell you otherwise are idiots.

“There’s a lot of denial it could be causing the problem,” Dr. Erin Warshaw from the University of Minnesota told WSJ. Because some people can’t accept that “natural” skincare products could be treated as poison by their own bodies.

You know what else is natural? Peanuts. But when I accidentally eat them my throat starts to close up, and I have to start vomiting so that I don’t die. The word natural doesn’t mean shit when it comes to your health. Our planet is nothing but a swirling miasma of chemicals, many of which are naturally trying to kill you.

If you want to buy “natural” skincare products, go for it. But just know that your body may reject them, because Earth is not your friend. Our planet is the enemy, and it’s trying to kill you 24 hours a day. Show nature who’s boss and kick a flower today. Especially if it’s lavender.


Matt Novak is the editor of Gizmodo's Paleofuture blog



A friend’s wife recently said that she was going to get some face cream that was chemical free.

I asked what she thought that meant.

She replied that she wanted it to be made with stuff that she can pronounce.

I asked her if she’s ever seen the ingredient list for a blueberry.