Legends of Tomorrow Returns as the Magical Mystery Tour of the Arrowverse

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All Glory to Beebo, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow has returned to the CW in spectacular fashion. We’ve got demonic unicorns, shirtless virgins, and Bronies 4 Lyfe. But with it came a powerful message about human rights, which shows why Legends is more than just a show about cuddle bears.

“The Virgin Gary” is the perfect return to form for our beloved Legends. After preventing Paul Revere from warning the masses about The Beatles’ “British Invasion,” they can rest easy. They’ve officially solved all the time anachronisms. Hooray! They even get a party and Sara gets an invitation to move into her girlfriend Ava’s apartment. It’s sweet and tempting, but resident stick-in-the-mud Constantine is there to remind her that there’s still that pesky “emon-day” problem she needs to take care of.


Enter Woodstock. The Summer of Love, the Age of Aquarius, and the home of a...carnivorous unicorn that impales hippies and eats their hearts? Bollocks! We’re no longer dealing with time-displaced humans, we’ve got magical creatures to contend with. And they’re nasty.

But it’s okay. The hippies of the world are saved because Gary the virgin risks his life to entice the demon unicorn that was drooling blood and heart chunks— which is a sentence that only makes sense in Legends of Tomorrow—into a trap. This bravery gives Constantine time to drink some creepy potion, summon a portal through his glowy hand powers, and send the demon back to hell. Gary survives, but he does get his nipple torn off. It’ll leave a sweet scar though! And Constantine promises to finish the sex thing he and Gary had apparently started earlier. Gary, you’re gonna be allllllll right.


Everyone else on the other hand? It’s hard to say. After spending so much of their time fighting anachronisms, this lull in the hunt has given each of the Legends time to reflect on their lives. And they’re dealing with some serious shit. Ray is sweet on Nora Darhk, Nate is having daddy issues with Resident Butthead Detector Thomas F. Wilson, and poor Mick still misses his rat. Thankfully though, each of them are able to sort through their emotions thanks to a dose of sparkly unicorn drug snot. Again, something that only makes sense on Legends of Tomorrow.

But the standout moment of the episode belongs to Zari. She might’ve spent most of the drug-fueled haze in, well, a drug-fueled haze, but that’s because her problems can’t be solved with rainbows and hugs. Showing Ray why trying to save Nora might be a mistake, Zari takes him to a park in Washington D.C. in 2018, where a younger version of herself and her mother are playing on some swings. Zari tells Ray she wants so hard to tell her mother to pack their bags and move to Canada, flee the nightmare to come, but she can’t. If you recall, last season resulted in Amaya changing the fate of her village because she’s the most selfish Legend ever, but Zari knows she can’t do the same for her family. Sometimes, you can’t change something, whether it’s a person or history. Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.


And even though Zari’s future centers around the oppression of metahumans, the show is drawing a strong parallel to current policies and attitudes against immigrants in the United States. Much like Fox’s The Gifted, Legends of Tomorrow is sending a message, loud and clear: Who dares hate a little girl?


Random Musings:

  • I like John Constantine, but he felt out of place in the episode. All the Legends are fun and goofy and bright, but here we have this dark weirdo with his creepy bones, alcoholic binges, and demonic possessions. I hope their worlds start to blend better as the season goes on, because right now it almost feels like they’re on two different shows. I’m sure in some ways that’s the point, but it can’t last.
  • Is anyone surprised that Ray and Nate are Bronies? Considering how much time they spend together, I’m more surprised they didn’t figure out they were Brony Bros until now.
  • I was trying to figure out what evil force attacked Constantine at the end of the episode, spelling out “I’m coming for you Johnny” on his broken mirror. My biggest guess would be the First of the Fallen, who’s been mentioned on Arrow and Constantine. He’d be a good foil for Johnny and the Legends this season. Let me know your thoughts.
  • I like how they handled the missing Wally West. It was short and sweet, with a bit of a tongue-in-cheek humor. It also left the door open for him to come back in the future.
  • As much fun as it is to watch characters dance around like drugged-fueled hippies, I’m glad Mick acknowledged that they’d been roofied. Because yeah, that’s exactly what that unicorn did. Burn in hell, pointy horn.