The Sony hack is a terrible, awful thing that's going to leave thousands of everyday employees dealing with the repercussions for years to come. But! At least there's a crazy, ranting, sheeple-slaying silver lining. Friends, allow us to introduce you to the Sony hack truthers. There are a lot of them.
Their theories inhabit a wide range of crazy—from maybe-something's-up skepticism to jet-fuel-can't-melt-steel absurdity—but each is beautiful in its own, special way. Is it all just one big PR stunt? Did Obama orchestrate the Sony hack with the FBI to reintroduce SOPA legislation? Is this the same Big Brother group that went after Donald Sterling? Can we get Michael Jackson involved somehow? Sure! All of the above. Let's take a tour.
And perhaps the most compelling argument of them all:
It's important to keep in mind that, in reality, all this leaked data was devastating, both to Sony and its employees. Thousands of social security numbers were plastered up for the world to see. Sony may be releasing The Interview in a few hundred theaters now, but that's nothing compared to the thousands that they had been slated to previously. Plus, Sony is going to be dealing with the residual lawsuits for years.
Not to mention the fact that this isn't a movie that Sony Pictures even likes very much! There will be no Oscar buzz. In any other scenario, the movie would have premiered to okay-ish box office numbers and immediately been forgotten about. There is absolutely no reason for Sony to risk its own livelihood—not to mention committing a federal offense or two in the process—on such a dumb, unspectacular, mediocre film.
No company that didn't have a death wish would do this to itself. Kenyan expatriate Barack Hussein Obama in conjunction with the lamestream media and communist Cuba, though? You be the judge.
Art by Sam Woolley