Monster Tries to Replace Dre With Lance Armstrong—Or Anything

Illustration for article titled Monster Tries to Replace Dre With Lance Armstrong—Or Anything

Monster—a company once known for producing insanely nerdy speaker wire— changed headphones forever (for better or worse) with its fashionable, bass-heavy Beats by Dre line. Now that Monster's cash cow is HTC's cash cow, Monster is clearly on the hunt for new friends.

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Illustration for article titled Monster Tries to Replace Dre With Lance Armstrong—Or Anything

So, if you can't have Dre, why not team up with… Lance Armstrong? Monster's getting into the sporty game with a set of in-ears call the ISport (groan) Livestrongs. According to Monster, the bright-yellow headphones are sweatproof and a patented "in-ear clip anchor system" (which looks a little familiar...) keeps the headphones from slipping out when you're out for a jog. Monster also promises that the headphones sound stupendous with that same deep thudding Beats-by-Dre bass that to help motivate you through your workout. You can get em in February for $180. This time instead of to Dre, a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

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Illustration for article titled Monster Tries to Replace Dre With Lance Armstrong—Or Anything

Nostalgic for that "urban," "fashion-forward" approach of Beats? How about some Diesel-branded cans? The $250 VEKTR headphones look strikingly different than anything else Monster has ever done. Like rocks on your ears. Whether or not the design is in good taste, well, we'll leave that up to you.

Illustration for article titled Monster Tries to Replace Dre With Lance Armstrong—Or Anything

And Monster is also throwing its hat into the noise-canceling headphone game, which has treated Bose and others very well over the years. The Inspiration over-ear noise-canceling headphones, complete with magnetic interchangeable headbands for the young and flashy, will be available this Spring for $280. The Inspiration line is fashion headphones to the max—we saw interchangeable headbands that included feathers, spikes, crocodile skin and a lot of other off the wall, straight off the runway-type designs.

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Illustration for article titled Monster Tries to Replace Dre With Lance Armstrong—Or Anything

And if that's not enough new headphones for you, Monster is introducing the Diamond Tears headphones, which are blinged out, mirrored looking cans that Monster made with some Asian superproducer J.Y. Park who's produced music for the biggest pop stars outside of America. I guess he's the Dr. Dre of Asia? Anyway, the Diamond Tears will retail for $280.

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Say what you want about their cables (and Beats...), Monster makes some sweet sound machines; the Turbine Pro Golds and their Earth Wind and Fire buds are among our staff favorites. Co-branding shenanigans aside, here's to hoping these will sound sweet too. [Monster]

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DISCUSSION

This is how I image the meeting went that determined how to market these headphones:

Executive 1: "We need a new line of headphones. What's it going to be?"

Executive 2: "How about we get another celebrity to team up with!"

Executive 3: "Ya, great idea boss!"

Executive 4: "PICKLES!"

Executive 1: "OK. I like this idea. Do we get another musician? Why don't we get another rap star. Someone call Ice Cube's people."

Executive 3: "Ya, great idea boss!"

Executive 2: "He's busy solving crimes."

Executive 4: "NTSF:SD:SUV!"

Executive 1: "Damn. What about Tupac? Or What about athletes? Do we know any athletes looking to endorse something?"

Executive 2: "How about Lance Armstrong?"

Executive 1: "The astronaut?"

Executive 3: "Ya, great idea boss!"

Executive 2: "No, the cyclist."

Executive 1: "Yes! People will want to buy our headphones for cycling."

Executive 2: "Great idea boss!"

Executive 3: "Ya, great idea boss!"

Executive 4: "WHERE'S MY BIKE?!"

Executive 2: "So what do we call the new line?"

Executive 1: *silence*

Executive 2: *silence*

Executive 3: *silence*

Executive 2: "How about iPhones? It's like headphones... but new age!" *waves hands around*

Executive 3: *silence*

Executive 1: "No! Let's call it ISporting because they're for sport."

Executive 2: "But they're not made for spo.."

Executive 4: "ISPORT!!"

Executive 1: "I like it! We'll call them ISport."

Executive 3: "Ya, great idea boss!"