Music On Cassette Tape Is Still the Bomb...If You're In Prison

Illustration for article titled Music On Cassette Tape Is Still the Bomb...If You're In Prison

Los Angeles mail order catalog Pack Central may have found the last untapped pocket of consumers willing to pay retail for their music on physical formats-the cellblocks of our great nation's prisons. And not just any format-turns out, music on cassette is the only way to get tunes that isn't screened out as a potential deadly weapon. Wait, they still sell new music on cassettes?


Apparently so. Weezy's "Tha Carter III," Usher's "Here I Stand" and Mariah Carey's "E=MC2" are all among Pack Central's current best selling tapes. If you're man enough to rock the new Mariah Carey on cassette in the slammer, my hat's off to you-I only feel comfortable singling you out from the safe confines of the internet.

Anyway, CDs are apparently too easy to splinter into a shiv (for disciplining the dude who laughed at your Mariah tapes), and the company even has to remove the metal screws from their tapes before shipping them out to get by the screeners (you guys make a good point below, though-I guess the cassette shivs are not as worrisome). The guy who keeps all those 20-year-old Walkmen in operating condition must be swimming in bartered cigarettes. [NYTimes, image]


You can melt the small metal parts inside the cassette to make bullets. Then you can file the inside of the circles so they're smooth and line a bunch of cassettes up to make a double barrel gun. You can use either matches or a lighter for the ignition that will propel your bullet, then you can use the tape inside the cassette as a flint. When you pull this on your attacker he will laugh uncontrollably giving you time to shank him with the file you used to make the cassette smooth. It's foolproof really.