Proof that True Blood's vampire shower sex could have been a whole lot hotter

Illustration for article titled Proof that True Blood's vampire shower sex could have been a whole lot hotter

Many folks were disappointed with True Blood's recreation of the infamous Vampire Eric and Sookie shower sex scene from Charlaine Harris' original book. Instead of carnal lust, we got two stoned teenagers talking about snow. Oof.


Here's the proof, in the form of a steamy reading from the book in which the vampire shower sex was spawned, that thing could have been a hell of a lot hotter.

As many of you know, we were less than thrilled with the reimagining of the infamous Vampire Eric sex fest. Instead of carnal shower lust, it was mutated into a snowflake-strewn romp that flopped onto the screen like Bill's new haircut. It was ridiculous, to say the very least. And with a show that is predominately about about vampires having sex with each other, we'd like to hope that the fine folks who make the "vampires having sex" series would take their vampire sex a little bit more seriously.

So we decided to return to the source material: Charlaine Harris' Dead To the World, found in her The Southern Vampire Mysteries series. And cheese and crackers, did we blush. That Harris certainly likes to talk about having sex with vampires, and in great great detail. Listen, without shame to this reading of the very scene HBO ruined, and hear the author brazenly compare Eric's nipples to pencil erasers. (SPOILERS)

We know it's cliché, but come on — after listening to all the nipple erasure biting, you know the book was better! We're going to be blushing for at least two weeks after listening to that. It may not be heady (or maybe it is — ha! Sorry, you deserve better than that) but it's definitely steamy. And how. Plus this little reading is perfect for folks who assume that HBO is responsible for putting all the dirty sex into True Blood. The real proprietor of the dirty deeds is none other than a 59-year-old lady from Arkansas.

Now here's the scene that was shown to the public on HBO. Oh True Blood, how disappointing. You traded in carnal Eric (albeit still memory wiped) for a bed in the snow.



I still don't get this show. My wife and I tried to watch the first couple episodes on Netflix; we couldn't stop laughing.

I feel like I'm missing out.