Quite Possibly The Best Amazon Warrior Queen Pep Talk Ever Filmed

What makes this scene from 1974's Battle of the Amazons so wonderful? Is it the incredibly bad dubbing from the original Italian into English? Is it the Amazon Queen announcing that their men are used up and it's time to go steal some new ones? Or just the whole insane package?


In any case, Battle of the Amazons is a spaghetti mytho-treasure trove. It's basically a spin on Seven Samurai, in which some mean Amazons keep raiding a village and carrying off the menfolk to mate with them, enslave them and eventually kill them when they're all used up. But four (not seven) tough bandits agree to train the villagers to defend themselves against the Amazons. Cue lots and lots of training sequences — this movie is too poor to afford montages — and great dialogue about stick fighting and how the bandits expect to be paid in womenfolk. (Of whom there's no shortage, since the men were mostly carried off.)

Eventually the bandits all start settling down they each fall in love with a woman in the village. Here's my absolute favorite moment in the film, where one of them discovers that some of the village's remaining menfolk have decided to sneak away and warn the Amazons, in hopes of gaining clemency. The bandit goes to tell his friends, only to find one of the other bandits is displaying his "dance of love":

And the main bandit, the film's swashbuckling hero guy, is captured by Amazons early on after they find him making forbidden whoopie with his Amazon girlfriend. He's enslaved and his Amazon girlfriend is killed — but then he escapes and befriends one of the villagers. Here's my other favorite moment, in which the lead bandit and his villager girlfriend lay in opposite directions and he tells her that he's in love with her. Then they ride around on a horse naked.

Warning: this last clip is probably NSFW:



These amazons never have boy babies? Only girls...?