Russell Crowe Came Up With a Much Better Name for Hoverboards

Illustration for article titled Russell Crowe Came Up With a Much Better Name for Hoverboards

Phone-throwin’ bloke Russell “Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife” Crowe took a stance yesterday against the BOGANS of Virgin Australia for confiscating his hoverboard.

Only he didn’t call them “hoverboards” because he’s not a chockers drongo garbo.

After Crowe sifted Roman farm dirt through his fingers and imagined a blissful, gauzy afterlife free from the shackles of duty and honor, he stared at the horizon and prepared this tweet:


True, Crowe sooked like a wee roo as he complained on Twitter about airline restrictions on hoverboards. Yet his secondary point was fair dinkum: “Segway board” is a far more logical term for the trendy two-wheel gadgets than “hoverboards.”

What we do in life echoes in eternity.

Image: AP


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No Segway boards as luggage?

Actually seems pretty sensible. There’s good reason to not allow uninstalled lithium ion batteries in luggage. People can’t or won’t safely pack for shit, and given how many segway boards have turned into flaming boards of death and mayhem, it makes sense to ban them from being stow below luggage.