Sext Messages Make Us All Sound Equally Ridiculous

Illustration for article titled Sext Messages Make Us All Sound Equally Ridiculous

Everyone's taking the piss out of Tiger Woods lately, but I feel sympathetic after seeing these text messages he exchanged with a lover. He sounds as ridiculous as anyone else would in lusty, loverly, silly, and random text messages.


The NY Post somehow got their hands on these text messages which were exchanged by Tiger Woods and Jaimee Grubbs. Reading them almost feels like an invasion of privacy, but at the same time I can't stop thinking that Tiger sounds like a fourteen year old boy who finally found a girl who won't slap him for being a bit cheeky on occasion. Basically, he sounds like many of us do in text message conversations with a lover.


He gets lusty:

Tiger: I need you
Jaimee: then get your tight ass over here and visit me! I need u
Tiger: I will wear you out soon

He ignores the dangers of sexting:

Tiger: send me something very naughty
Jaimee: some things are worth waiting for lol ... besides im at work
Tiger: go to the bathroom and take it
Jaimee: haha ur too much


He gets jealous:

Jaimee: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a present for there birthday
Tiger: what kind of present your naked body
Jaimee: haha no a watch I slept alone
Tiger: alone with him that is
Jaimee: haha I wish
Jaimee: miss u
Tiger: now that's hot so who is your new boy toy


He gets tortured:

Jaimee: if we hang out on a Sundway we can watch desperate houswives again haha
Tiger: oh god
Jaimee: take a break from watching boring old golf
Jaimee: I mean the amazing sport of golf ;)
Jaimee: [more than an hour later] babe I was kidding


And he fails to give the sweet and tender response that's expected:

Jaimee: I have fun with u, you always make me smile and I am not afraid to be myself or say anything to u ... the day I met u I thought u were going to kick me out a few times but for someone reason you didn't and u have told me numerous times I talk to much but slowly as I get to know u iI think your absolutely amazing
Tiger: you are wrong I'm bone thugs in harmon


You can check out the rest of the text messages over at the NY Post, but come back after you do and tell me if I'm just imaging the normality or if maybe Tiger really is just like any other texter, all ridiculous and prone to lousy grammar. [NY Post]

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The part that most disturbs me is "present for there birthday". Their. THEIR. Sorry, but I had to get that off my chest. At least my hot texts are spelled right. She should just stick with OOOOooo, mmmmmm, yeahhhhhh and Oh Baby!