The Absolute Worst Thing That Star Wars Mania Gave Us [NSFW]

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The last human alive, grown in a test tube, begs her robot guardian to teach her about sex, in this hilariously awful scene from 1979's Star Virgin. "You are a messy biological organism and your erogenous zones are useless." NSFW!

We've featured some terrible Star Wars knockoffs in the past, but Star Virgin may actually be the worst. (It's probably not fair to compare a porno with "serious" space opera films anyway, but even as porn, Star Virgin is very, very bad.)


So the blonde Barbarella wannabe, who's "played" by a Hustler Centerfold of the Year, is learning about sex from Mentor, her robot companion. And he does this by showing her a series of truly awful porno vignettes, the worst of which is in black and white and has captions, like a silent movie — and it features a Dracula motif, except that Dracula is wearing a Richard Nixon mask for some reason. Yes.


In between each vignette, the blonde and her robot have further dialogue about the mysteries of sex, and why humans like it, etc. etc. And the blonde gets more and more worked up, until the robot finally has to give her a space dildo, which shoots white stuff everywhere, covering pretty much every surface. The movie ends with a voiceover suggesting that this means the human race will be repopulated after all, and we will once again rule the cosmos. Or something. Bleh. [IMDB]