Here are the first six minutes of the Disney Channel’s Descendants, a TV movie about the second generation of Disney villains being reintegrated into the happy kingdom of the Beast. It. Is. Completely. Bananapants.
I have so many questions about this:
- Did Kenny Ortega actually clone Zac Efron for the son of Belle and the Beast?
- Is that a magic iPad at the beginning?
- That can’t actually be Belle’s wedding dress, right?
- What is this song and why?
- Can no one lip synch properly anymore?
- Who approved “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the baddest of them all”?
- Is this the worst lip synching in history?
- Who knew there was a market for a preteen, coed Pussycat Dolls?
- There’s no wifi on exile island, but there is a Hot Topic?
- Did someone slip me a hallucinogen, or is everyone else seeing a bunch of children in multicolored pleather and dyed hair re-enact Stomp?
- No, but seriously, how awful is this lip synching?
That said: Of course I’m watching this next week. It’s going to be amazing.
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