This Is How To Turn A Jay-Z Song Into A Geek Anthem

Some think of "The New Dork" as the "ultimate geek/dork/tech-junkie's anthem." I think of it as one of the more amusing parodies of Jay-Z & Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind" and love the geeky shout outs crammed into it.


Not only does it have references to TechCrunch, Mashable, Valleywag, Geekologie—and yes, Gizmodo—but this video also appears to have scenes that were filmed in the Wired building. Yeah, that's pretty dorky.

If you want to sing or rap along, here are the lyrics:

Now I'm in the blogosphere,
Now I'm in the twitterverse
Fans get so immersed, But I'm a nerd forever
I'm the new Zuckerberg, And since my website
I been cookin dough like a chef servin killa-bytes
Used to be the basement, Back at my mom's place
Buildin web traffic so that we could sell an ad space
Make way for the, One man businesses
Bail outs finished with, White collar criminals
New sega genesis, Entrepreneur time
Makin big plans, To dominate the online
Yeah, I'm on YouTube, this is one man
Sharin' google revenue, With songs on my webcam
Science is the new art, Databases day to day
Geeks spreadin' sheet smarts, Hustle, make the data pay
I could be in Valleywag plus Geekologie
Tell from my avatar, That I'm most definitely

The New Dork,
Social networks - what dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can't do
Now you're the New Dork
This V.C. money is brand new, The geek is now damn cool
Let's hear it for new dorks, new dorks, new dorks

Catch me up in Techcrunch, Right on the homepage
Hell, I'm on Gizmodo, In a photo bout a phone craze
And Im up in Mashable, weekend trip to New York
Bar pitty, 1oak, parties full of New Dorks
Now I'm pitchin business plans, From the backs of napkans
Micro-lend to Africans, Monetize Kazakastan
Catch me up on linked-in, Dog, C.E.O.
You can see where I be, With the I.P.O.
Now I'm up in skinny jeans, Now a hipster's lurkin'
Used to be a reject, But now I'm steady jerkin'
Now my glasses mainstream, Now the girlies eyein me
Popular kids copy me, The new swag is irony
Comin' from the small time, Girls couldn't find me
Now I scale models, Like I climb on top of Heidi
Start big trends, with tweets that I pass on
You should follow me, cuz I'm friends with Ashton


Oh, and if you like this video, then you might want to keep in mind that the folks behind it are who brought us the somewhat awkward "I'm on a Mac" parody and the somewhat awesome Mac or PC rap. Have a listen.



I wanted to laugh and enjoy this. Unfortunately, I did neither. This thing took bland mediocrity to new levels. How is Weird Al still so goddam ahead of the pack? I've been listening to him for 30+ years and he's more relevant now than ever.