This Week's TV: Throat Punch the Future, The X-Files Is Back!

Illustration for article titled This Week's TV: Throat Punch the Future, The X-Files Is Back!

The X-Files returns for a new season after 13 long years! The weirdest DC show yet debuts with Legends of Tomorrow! Agent Carter and The 100 return, Heroes: Reborn ends, and saints be praised, The Flash fights the Turtle! Heaven and Hell converge to create one Shangri-La, on this week’s TV!



Clarence (5PM, CARTOON)

A full week of new episodes of Clarence! Weekdays, at 5pm—and followed by new episodes of Lego: Nexo Knights, if that’s your thing, too!

Supergirl (8PM, CBS)

The Toyman debuts!

Remember that episode of Lois & Clark where Sherman Hemsley played the Toyman, who terrorized Metropolis with rubber “Atomic Space Rats” that sprayed smelly, yellow fog? And Jimmy Olsen tried to get with Denise Richards at the Christmas party? This episode has a lot to live up to!

Luckily, it features the Martian Manhunter flying around with Supergirl. Will Hank Henshaw track the Toyman with a GPS system called Z.O.O.K.?

Almost Royal (10:30PM, BBC AMERICA)

Season premiere!



Marvel’s Captain America: 75 Heroic Years (8PM, ABC)

A one-hour TV special celebrating the 75th anniversary of Captain America! He’s come so far from battling Fungi, the Nazi Fungus and Turtle-Man:

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(From Captain America Comics #23)

The Flash (8PM, CW)

Speaking of, the latest episode of The Flash features the debut of one of his coolest enemies, the Turtle! Played by Aaron Douglas, his presence is conspicuously downplayed in the trailer, but you’ll love him.

Illustration for article titled This Week's TV: Throat Punch the Future, The X-Files Is Back!

DC’s Legends of Tomorrow: Their Time Is Now (9PM, CW)

A whole special just to prepare you for the insanity of Legends of Tomorrow!

Agent Carter (9PM, ABC)

She’s back! Two full episodes, back-to-back. Remember: Two.

Shadowhunters (9PM, FREEFORM)

“With the knowledge that Valentine is alive and on the hunt for The Mortal Cup, the Institute is on high alert. Not wasting any time, Jace jumps into action and figures Clary’s memories are the key to finding Jocelyn and The Mortal Cup. Unfortunately, Clary’s memories were wiped leaving her without any recollection of this other life that could help her and the team. With only one other option remaining, Jace, Isabelle and a very reluctant Alec take Clary to the City of Bones to face the powerful Silent Brothers. Meanwhile, Luke continues his search for Clary, and Simon tries to come to terms with his best friend’s new life.”


Teen Wolf (9PM, MTV)

“Kira and her mother take extreme measures to help Kira deal with her dark side while Lydia is surprised at Eichen House.”


DC Films Presents: Dawn of the Justice League (9:30PM, CW)

Hosted by Kevin Smith, this half-hour special will debut the Suicide Squad trailer and feature clips from Batman vs Superman and a sneak peek at the upcoming Wonder Woman!


The Expanse (10PM, SYFY)

“Holden and crew realize they’re not alone on the Rocinante and find themselves up against a Martian military blockade. Believing all is lost, Miller finds a new reason to forge ahead. Avasarala visits Holden’s family in Montana.”


Limitless (10PM, CBS)

“Brian embarks on his first FBI field assignment when he travels to Quantico to lend his skills to the bureau unit that catches serial killers. However, the trip takes a negative turn when Brian realizes the man he’s working with may have put away an innocent person in the career-making case that made him a renowned profiler.”


The Shannara Chronicles (10PM, MTV)

“If the family fails, the oak trees will kill her?!”




Arrow (8PM, CW)

With Supergirl, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, and all this DC fanfare, what could the humble Arrow be up to this week?

“Oliver must deal with the devastating consequences of Darhk’s last attack. Seeking revenge, Oliver goes on a brutal manhunt looking for Dahrk.”



Supernatural (9PM, CW)

“Now that he has Sam in the cage with him, Lucifer (guest star Mark Pellegrino) offers Sam a way out but it comes with a steep price. Dean and Castiel look into the angel smiting that could have killed Amara.”


Face Off (9PM, SYFY)

Inspired by Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, the artists must bring an everyday toy to life. Featuring guest judge Paul Reubens!


Second Chance (9PM, FOX)

“Due to the power surge that Mary and Otto caused in bringing Pritchard back to life, two notorious murderers escape from prison. Still determined that this is his city to protect, Pritchard goes on the hunt for them, and Mary - who believes she’s partially responsible for the fugitives’ escape - offers assistance. Meanwhile, in order to win Duval’s trust, Pritchard tells him they’re half-brothers.”


Star Wars: Rebels (9:30, DISNEY XD)

“An aide to Bail Organa is sent to Lothal with ships for the rebel fleet, but an Imperial lockdown forces the rebels to come up with a new plan to steal the vehicles”


It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10PM, FXX)

Sunny does Better Off Dead, Hot Dog: The Movie, and Ski School!



Teen Titans Go! (6PM, CARTOON)

“Cyborg is building stress up, to the point where he directs his built-up rage onto the other Titans. To help calm him down, Starfire takes Cyborg into her own, little secret garden.”


Followed by a new Gumball!

Adventure Time (7:30PM, CARTOON)

“Finn takes a group of at-risk Candy Kingdom youth on a camping trip they’ll never forget. “


DC’s Legends of Tomorrow (8PM, CW)

“In the year 2166, the immortal villain Vandal Savage (Casper Crump) is on the verge of his final victory - total chaos and the utter destruction of humanity. As the world crumbles, the Time Master Rip Hunter (Arthur Darvill) takes matters into his own hands; he travels 150 years into the past to assemble a carefully selected team of heroes and rogues to stop him. Hunter has chosen what seems like an ill-matched group: billionaire inventor Ray Palmer (Brandon Routh), who has created an exo-suit with the power to shrink him to miniscule size, as the Atom; Sara Lance (Caity Lotz), the White Canary, a trained assassin; Professor Martin Stein (Victor Garber) and Jefferson “Jax” Jackson (Franz Drameh), who together form the meta-human Firestorm; Leonard Snart (Wentworth Miller), known as Captain Cold, and his partner Mick Rory (Dominic Purcell), AKA Heat Wave, a pair of career criminals; and Kendra Saunders (Ciara Renée) and Carter Hall (Falk Hentschel) AKA Hawkgirl and Hawkman. Together this unlikely group will attempt to stop one of the most formidable villains of all time, while they must learn how to not only be a team, but heroes as well.”


The ACTUAL series premiere! Guaranteed to be incredibly fun.

Heroes: Reborn (9PM, NBC)

Series finale!

The 100 (9PM, CW)

“Three months have passed since the tragedy at Mount Weather and our heroes learn that a bounty has been put on Clarke’s (Eliza Taylor) head. Unbeknownst to Clarke, a team led by Bellamy (Bob Morley) and Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) journeys deep into Grounder territory to save her. Meanwhile, Murphy (Richard Harmon) finds his way to the mansion and discovers a very different Jaha (Isaiah Washington) on a very different mission.”


Angel From Hell (9:30PM, CBS)

Colony (10PM, USA)

“Will faces unforeseen challenges on his first day at his new job; Katie receives her first assignment; Maddie reconnects with an old acquaintance; and Carlos pays the price for Will’s collaboration.”




Reign (8PM, CW)

Winter finale!



Svengoolie Presents Dead Man’s Eyes (10PM, MeTV)

From IMDB: “An artist (Lon Chaney Jr) is blinded by a jealous assistant/model. His fiance’s father generously offers his eyes for a sight restoring operation. there’s only one hitch. Chaney has to wait until after the man dies. Not surprisingly, when the benefactor dies a very premature death, suspicion falls on the artist.”


The Church (2AM, TCM)

Incredible, gory and gothic horror from director Michele Soavi, protégé of Dario Argento! Don’t miss it.




Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (11AM, NICK)

“The Turtles are captured and thrown into the Triceraton Arena!”

That’s all I know, but last week’s episode featured unexpected appearances by the Neutrinos and the obscure Archie Comics alien, “Bellybomb”.

Illustration for article titled This Week's TV: Throat Punch the Future, The X-Files Is Back!

Expect more strange cameos from the Turtleverse in the future.

Galavant (8PM, ABC)

Two more episodes:

“Love and Death” - Richard, Roberta and Sid rush the fatally wounded Galavant to a healer named Neo of Sporin, who has a magic potion that could save Galavant’s life. While waiting for Galavant to recover, Roberta admits she likes Richard and they almost share a tender moment. Later, Neo produces an army for Galavant... but the soldiers turn out to be zombies. Meanwhile, Madalena finally shares her true feelings with Gareth, who is shocked. As they march on Hortensia, the unlikely duo make a decision about their relationship, on “Galavant”.

“Do the D’Dew” - As the battle between Hortensia and Valencia begins, Isabella and the Jester are ready to surrender; but when Isabella hears Madalena’s demands, she can’t accept them. She returns to the Hortensia camp and rallies the troops to fight with whatever they can find. Against Gareth’s wishes, a frightened Madalena turns to Wormwood who teaches her the evil magic of the “Dark Dark Evil Way” or D’DEW. Meanwhile, Richard and Roberta finally take their relationship to the next level, but as they’re about to leave for battle, Roberta makes an important decision. Galavant finally figures out how to motivate his Zombie army while Sid runs away.”


The X-Files (10PM, FOX)

“Thirteen years after the original series run, the next mind-bending chapter of the thrilling series THE X-FILES is here. FOX MULDER (David Duchovny) and DANA SCULLY (Gillian Anderson) have been approached by TAD O’MALLEY (guest star Joel McHale), a popular conspiracy theorist web-TV show host, who believes he has uncovered a significant government conspiracy. With the assistance of FBI Asst. Dir. WALTER SKINNER (Mitch Pileggi), O’Malley seeks to enlist the help of former X-Files agents Mulder and Scully, who have since severed ties with the FBI. Through O’Malley, they are introduced to SVETA (guest star Annett Mahendru), a possible alien abductee who shares shocking information with them that will challenge everything that Mulder has ever believed about the existence of aliens and the government’s role in covering them up.”


I’m shaking as I write this: The X-Files returns for season ten. This Sunday.

It’s going to be a good week.

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I’m shaking as I write this: The X-Files returns for season ten.

Don’t you mean... Season X?