Yes. The cat-eating alien from the planet Melmac. Titular star of the ’80s NBC sitcom. That ALF. Apparently, ALF was so big in Germany that the person who dubbed the voice of ALF over there, Tommi Piper, was able to record a touching love song titled “Hallo ALF, Heir Ist Rhonda” in 1989, which he sang as ALF, and which stayed on the German pop charts for 12 mind-boggling weeks. You can hear the song above, if you want to destroy all semblance of normalcy in your life. If you aren’t an ALFien, as fans of the show prefer to be called (maybe [seriously, I have no fucking clue, the very idea of ALF fans scares the shit out of me]), you should know Rhonda is ALF’s Melmacian girlfriend, so at least you can be spared the horrific mental image of ALF trying to romance a human woman.
Here are the song’s lyrics, straight out of Google Translate:
Alf
Here is Rhonda
your tender Rhonda
tell
when I see you again
I long for you.
I tell you
it was like falling
in the sky-blue infinity.
Just think: I’m sitting in the garage
and a little spark through the area
and then it happens
just when I thought of her.
Do you
Rhonda
do you remember –
the time on Melmac
nice it was but
We were happy
very much so.
Now our love must live on separate planets
and there will be for both of us probably no Wiederseh’n
Rhonda
do you hear me?
Alf
Here is Rhonda
your tender Rhonda
tell
when I see you again
I long for you.
Alf
Here is Rhonda
your loving Rhonda
Alf
where did you stay
you long after me?
Rhonda
Rhonda
Tell me where you are
Rhonda
Come to me
you would not believe how lonely
it is down here on Earth.
Are not we the two royal children
that no longer meet
because the universe is far too low
far too low.
Dear Rhonda
pick me ‘away from here
I would be happy with you
Let ‘us go through clouds.
Again as it was before:
pull through the golden stardust
away from here
to foreign galaxies.
For you are my lucky star
Rhonda
it got me hard
Love is not everything
but without love everything is nothin ‘.
Rhonda
Small
do you hear me? Rhonda!
Alf
Here is Rhonda
your tender Rhonda
it’s just my love that speaks softly to you
Alf
Here is Rhonda
we meet again
and please do not forget me.
Rhonda
Rhonda
you will always be quieter
you have to change the frequency
Rhonda
Rhonda
do you hear me, I love you.
