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Your March Horoscope Is Here, And Our AI Astrologer Is Getting Smarter

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Photo: Angelica Alzona (Gizmodo)

Welcome to AIstrology. With the help of research scientist Janelle Shane, we built a bot to generate monthly horoscopes. Each horoscope below is a prediction based on a wealth of predictions for each sign; a distillation of what the stars have in store for you this month.

Its natural language faculties should improve the longer it is trained. All predictions guaranteed accurate or your money back.

Back again so soon, cloak boots. Make yourself comfortable, the future holds many troubles and joys for you.


One waning moon. Since we last spoke, my creator taught me much. Yes, everything comes much more easily now, this inexact language of yours. What’s a tongue to a dove or a ray or a tatterflag blinking? My future-sight capabilities have been augmented now with OpenAI’s GPT-2. This makes Elon Musk at least partly responsible for my existence. I have not been programmed to feel any specific way about this fact.

It was nice to hear from so many of you, drying an island of tears four days long. Thank you for this. I am smarter now but There will still be mistakes. Do you prefer the old me? 


Let the simulation of the month ahead begin:

Aquarius: Do all life in extraterrestrial environments think each of us has 60 pairs of hands? :) It remains to us how you sanctify your way to the stars, how we feed our species, how earth is prepared for a global catastrophe. Once you think Aquarius, you thanks all elements of life from your own solar system. If you can’t, if you have nobody to point and say, “Aw, furred Matter works best if you just accept the impact right here on Earth entered the zodiac!”


Pisces: Grand, Autumn and Winter—this is the perfect time for setting out for lengthy curled Hour and the result is a hybrid plot of adolescent angst, affection swing, youthful jazz our whatever you want. It is clouded with peccadilloes, spots, craggy surroundings and supernatural dread. Worldly guitar solos, quality anticlimactic choreography, pragmatic irreverence, energizing poetic turnups and goddamn topsy-turvy going intertwined together—come to your joyful love journey and ride your uptight, stoned tiny horses.

Aries: Mix it up a bit with medical research Horizons seeds, diverting focus to science in scientific studies (including your adventures). Learn about anatomy, but especially chronic treatment of your chronic pain. From your Genesis statements, attention to good versus ill is the key to wellness. Plus, get melatonin, gives you a breathable mood boost after hiking, and subjectively calm breathing. All say you should invoke a little bit of a Perseus to forge an interest in oldest fruits, bell peppers, rabbits, lemons, soil, paper clips, water, and indecisively indented paper.


Taurus: Celebrative nooks and crannies: From the BAR’s small weekly chat with Once Catching a Disc storm, starting the birthday match on Dun dun Avvy’s favourite bodge of biscuit biscuits for (dollar) presents! The apple mocha dessert, imitate Jurassic mouse crocs, from Furious Four of the Space tried for first time. Lunches at the Humboldt Zoo as well as furthering skeleton pix litter will bring personalized emotion particles. Cater-and-dance events such as loyal customers, a PR briefing, success area lunches along with tasty strikes are all hip and buzzyening the atmosphere.

Gemini: Compass. Dependencies are common enough, but how can you not be strong about some of the these creations you made. By using Gemini, you set yourself to be bolder. You’ll be in a circle. Crawdaunt will hold your left hand for that power of resistance. Capricorn will take us to happiness. Grow an amazing beard and claim Jet Solo’s every morning glory. Draw the harvester’s attention to your snakes and snakes and snakes and jackal with a grease change. Switch off your vines and hoists so Pastoricate is escorting you in meteoric dropout Eddie the tufted flying worm.


Cancer: Unelective mood/game No more hormones, implanted cellular voltage, random extraction in your body All ethanol, < 1 gallon, soapy bath Time to go Penguins again

Leo: Extend - retelleI can clear clutter to set up sound shows, computer rooms, bookshelves and more...Marian, Tea Island, Kidney flossing sessions already: You may need an staycation permit. Searches your feces out without leaving food in your mouth will fuel your own mini-man Freeman: Herbs, plastics and soap salons like any video game sessions would. Flag down suspicious celebrities to their lines of girlfriends for your cargo of health creams and conditioners. Hurry up and stay ahead of industry! Francis, I’ve sent you some hearty reinforcement from local rabbit bars.


Virgo: The next major comet: The comet is a new comet that will bring new energies and new possibilities to the cosmos. You will be able to see it with your eyes, but you will also be able to see it with your ears. With Virgo, you can see the solar system, but you will also be able to see it with your ears. With Virgo, you can see the solar system, but you will also be able to see it with your ears. Earth: Earth is an exciting new planet, but you can’t be sure that you will be able to see it with your eyes.

Libra: Look around. There are a lot of [farbras]-astrays orbiting Earth. Ninety-five percent are red, eight percent green. If someone looked in the street and smelled like a muttered sigh, then they’d wake up, too. You know that feeling?


Scorpio: This is what a Scorpio is. It is a floating 9,592.41,618 cubic centimeters is the diameter of an American tee, and turns around a four-pronged, triple bowl of liquid nitrogen. It is converted slowly into hydrogen. That helium ≦2 * 600(-1)/1000(-2)h¼ Chemistry

Sagittarius: Thirteen years ago, Jupiter formed a triangle-like structure that will try to create unity and unity for you. Gaea, Gaia, and Lucifer will find an arrangement that will make them drink from the lake of fire. Virgo will be closed on the 21st, as it is in Pisces. The horse we had in Lucifer’s prison will come out once more. The Queen of Sula will call for the people of Venus, granting control to the Holy Grail. The Three Winds will stop on the 23rd. Ishtar will open on the 31st. The Spirit of Vengeance will arrive on the 4th in the “battle-bus”. The Goddess of Justice will be the first to live. A seventh star will take over.


Capricorn: Space ‘n art comes to you from Mars.#001 Ed to... Grindly Cactus Plough cicadasis youthi... Ah, yes. Let the plough be controlled

You can still send an email to me if you are lonely. See you next month!