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This crazy Japanese Wii safety manual is pretty much indicative of Japanese people's general insanity. Our theory: a secret battle between Godzilla and several Gundams in the early 1980s bombarded the whole of Japan with cosmic G-rays, which allowed then-youths to grow up and draw these weird-ass manuals.



First, hitting your husband in the face with a Wiimote is not acceptable even if you're pregnant. Do not blame it on your hormones.

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Lots more after the jump.

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Do not pour half a bottle of orange-flavored tea onto your Wii. Anything less than half is fine.

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The Wii is not a tie. (I actually did this when I was playing Zelda.)

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Do not attempt to control your heart with the Wiimote.

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Do not imitate that clip of the "smoking woman" with your Wii.

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When the Wii catches a cold, use a hypo-allergenic blanket.

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Do not remove the four leaf clover from your Wii. It is Nintendo's secret to motion sensing.

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Do not unwrap the Wii over your head.

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Do not attempt to produce your own twist-ties for the sensor bar. One is provided for you.

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Test have shown limited success with playing the Wii with your feet. However, you will produce lightning.

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Blu-ray discs will not work in the Wii.

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Do not lay out a Wii for homeless Japanese citizens. They should clean themselves up and get a job like an honorable salaryman.

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Do not forcibly remove Wii discs. There is an ejection mechanism. Jerk.

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Do not attempt to wake up the Wii when it is napping.

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Do not attempt to plug the nunchuk attachment into your foot. Again, lightning.

[Kotaku]