Oh Moaner Lisa, where were you two nights ago when we really needed you? Popping tops off the finest beers with her hind quarters, she gets off on the whole operation, moaning and gasping while releasing your favorite brewski and its foamy suds from its glassy confines. While yelping out her urgent cries to her relentless operator and all within earshot, she'll clamp down on any bottle cap, no matter how bourgeois its underlying contents, opening up its spirits to the outside world with her helpful vaginismus. Add this piece of valuable entertainment to your misogynistic utensil collection for a mere 4.99 (about $10). Yes, we'll have what she's having. [Cocktail Equipment, via Shiny Shiny]

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