May 6, 2008 12:10 PM
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I don't know why Jason says Batman is better than Iron Man, really. I mean, sure, Batman is darker, has a tortured soul, rubber pants, and all those sexuality issues with Robin, but come on, does he have a stripper pole in his private plane? Of course not. And what about all the rest?
• Can he make his own gadgets without having to go run for help to daddy's company?
• Can he let girls do their make-up while they look at his shiny armor? (of course not, Mr Wayne has a fake rubber suit with fake nipples)
• Can he make perfect Margaritas, Martinis and Manhattans on his own, without needing Alfred?
• Can he fly? (No, not fall, I mean fly)
• Can he actually have a bit of fun or is this all about looking miserable, fighting with your demons in three-word sentences with almost no verbs? (Of course he can't. It's "Back in the hole. The beast. The beast comes to me. Old. Old and dark. I feel his breath. Evil. Evil and dark. Evil and dark and eternal. Like them. Like me" all the damn time. Damnit Bruce, get a vacation in a tropical island with a hot buxom blonde and a fully-stocked bar.)
Because if Batman actually enjoyed life in-between saving the World city, he would be the greatest international playboy gadget hero ever. You know, like Tony Stark. And kick his own ass any day.
What do you think? Batman or Iron Man?
Or better yet: who would you like to be? A tortured soul who lives a miserable life having flashbacks about pearls falling on a dirty street, lives with another man, and fights crime in rubber pants and a cape, or a brilliant inventor who builds his own gadgets, dates—for real, not as a façade, you know, with actual sex—the hottest girls on the planet, and can fly in a hot rod red and gold armor? Hello?
Send an email to Jesus Diaz, the author of this post, at jesus@gizmodo.com.
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