14 Ridiculously Retro Novelty Phones

So we used to have these things called landlines, which were phones that you didn't take with you everywhere and that you actually used to talk to people. Some of them didn't even look like phones.

Here are some of our favorite incognito novelty handsets of yore. Warning: will cause extreme nostalgia.

Garfield: Hates Mondays, loves lasagna and *69.

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The Duck phone had a minor resurgence thanks to Jersey Shore.

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A Lips phone made more sense when people actually used the things for talking.

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The legendary Hamburger phone was arguably the best thing about Juno.

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And let's not forget the burger's fast food and/or telecom cousin, the Hot Dog phone.

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All the cool bros at your high school definitely got the official NFL Football dialer as part of their Sports Illustrated subscription.

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Clear phones were also popular among the 90s cool tween crowd.

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The talking Homer Simpson phone, perfect for pranking Moe's Tavern

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Is it possible to take someone seriously knowing they're chatting on a rhinestone-studded high heel?

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Yes, the Double Bubble phone is a working gum ball machine.

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Which is why it's extra sad that the Budweiser phone is not a working beer.

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It's not easy being a Kermit phone.

Although there are many, many M&M-themed phones, this one is the best because it comes with a candy dish.

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And what list of novelty products is complete without some Star Wars paraphernalia?

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