Amazon Prime Day was a huge let down for consumers who were actually hoping to get a good deal on something they wanted. But for Amazon, the day was a resounding success, it brags in a press release.

“Amazon sold more units on Prime Day than on Black Friday 2014,” Amazon says. Impressive. Yet, if you excitedly navigated to the online retailer yesterday in the hopes of finding something you wanted, odds are good that you were greeted instead by mountains of trash—like a 24-inch shoehorn?!?!?—surrounded by maybe a few things you might consider buying.

And yet we bought the crap. So much of it. Amazon recaps the highlights:

  • 56,000 Lord of the Rings: The Motion Picture Trilogy sets
  • 47,000 Televisions sold, which was 1300% year-over-year growth
  • 51,000 Bose Headphones, compared to 8 the previous Wednesday
  • 28,000 Rubbermaid 42-Piece Easy Find Lid Food Storage Sets, compared to 428 the previous Wednesday
  • 24,000 Instant Pot 7-in-1 Programmable Pressure Cookers, compared to 182 the previous Wednesday
  • 14,000 iRobot Roomba 595 Pet Vacuum Cleaning Robots, compared to 1 the previous Wednesday
  • 12,000 Fifty Shades of Grey Unrated Edition on Blu-ray, compared to 121 the previous Wednesday
  • 10,000 Meguiar’s X2020 Supreme Shine Microfiber Towels, compared to 244 the previous Wednesday

Happy microfiber towel day!

Amazon moved a crapload of stuff people weren’t otherwise buying. It disappeared surplus inventory on us.It’s a sale! That is what a sale is! Except instead of going to the mall, I went to the sale from my desk instead of working.

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The TVs I get. I was hoping to get a deal on a TV yesterday myself. But who are the 12,000 idiots who bought 50 Shades of Grey?

Congrats Amazon! We’re all idiots and you rationally took advantage of this fact by creating a way for us to give you our money instead of saving it for useful purposes.