Apple: Our Precious Credit Card Must Be Handled Like a Delicate Flower From Heaven

Illustration for article titled Apple: Our Precious Credit Card Must Be Handled Like a Delicate Flower From Heaven
Screenshot: Apple

This week, the Apple Card became available to the masses, but early adopters who choose to also obtain the physical card in addition to an iPhone-based one may want to store their delicate sliver of titanium in a vacuum-sealed glass box.

Apple Insider first reported that on Tuesday a “How to clean your Apple Card” guide was added to Apple’s website, giving some specific instructions about proper care for the credit card. The support page serves as a good reminder that this is not just a new credit card—it’s a delicate, coveted Apple product that should be handled sensitively.

The explainer advises against putting the card in contact with denim and leather, both of which “might cause permanent discoloration that will not wash off.” It also suggests card-holders avoid putting the card “in a pocket or bag that contains loose change, keys, or other potentially abrasive objects.” Additionally, Apple says the card should be placed in a slot where it doesn’t touch other credit cards, as their substandard plastic could scratch the tender Apple Card.


If the exquisite metal sheet becomes tarnished “with contaminants that can cause stains,” then Apple advises users “gently wipe with a soft, slightly damp, lint-free microfiber cloth” then “moisten a soft, microfiber cloth with isopropyl alcohol and gently wipe the card.”

They should not clean the physical embodiment of Apple’s economic vision with “window or household cleaners, compressed air, aerosol sprays, solvents, ammonia, or abrasives,” which could presumably damage the elegant plate.

Apple did not respond to a Gizmodo request for comment on the guidelines for card care, so we are not sure exactly how the company foresees people storing the card. The online instructions suggest people put it in a wallet or pocket, but since many wallets are made of leather and many pockets are made of denim, card-holders should proceed with caution.


Fortunately for concerned Apple Card-holders who don’t want to risk ruining their card, there is a $980 gold-coated titanium and carbon fiber wallet that is marketing itself as an ideal Apple Card container.

Who knew the future of currency would be so precious?


Former senior reporter at Gizmodo

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Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Apple Card.
Caution: Apple Card may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Apple Card Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Apple Card on concrete.
Discontinue use of Apple Card if any of the following occurs:

* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary Blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart Palpitations

If Apple Card begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Apple Card may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Apple Card should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Apple Card, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
If Apple Card should become soiled, wipe gently with a soft cloth moistened with sulfuric acid.
Ingredients of Apple Card include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Apple Card has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Apple Card.
Apple Card comes with a lifetime guarantee.