Editor’s note: Gizmodo is a website about a lot of things—technology, science fiction, fish-inspired marital aids—but, at our core, we’ve always been a catalog of small ideas. Over the last 15 years, we’ve done our best to champion the voice of the little guy, the one that says “maybe blindly submitting to mass surveillance isn’t such a great idea” and “this press release seems bogus idk.” Today, we’re excited to debut the work of our littlest columnist yet. Enjoy!
i wake up one morning from uneeasy dreeams and find myself transform into giant beee. haha just kidding--i is always beee and am not so big am quite tiny. eeven pressing keeys on keeyboard is big challenge for small fry like mee, who must fly down at top speeed to type single letter. my dreeams are uneeasy though, which is why i leave hive for big city--story i tell you now.
ever since i is larva i know am different and not like other beees. while sisters wriggle around asking ‘hey what’s for lunch,’ i lay still in honeeycomb and ponder big questions. ‘why are we heere,’ i wonder, ‘what is meeaning of this’--to which world answers, ‘shut up and eeat your pollen, bub.’ i shut up and eeat but still wonder.
later, i grow wings and am put to work finding always more nectar. ‘wow great haul today,’ i say, ‘maybee lets take a break.’ everyone just ignores mee and keeeps finding. my one friend is old sunflower who never says much but clearly ‘gets it’ big time. hee just looks up all day following sun. sometimes i sit on him and preetend am working.
one day i ask old sunflower what should i do and hee slowly turns west to city or maybee just sunset. eeither way, i deecide to take hint, but first must say farewell to hive. i fly back preeparing big speeech to leave everyone sorry and jealous. ‘pleease stay,’ i imagine them say, ‘wee are wrong to never listen. you is always most thoughtful special beee.’
when i get to hive, everyone is gone and weird guy with truck is there wearing what i later learn is called ‘spacesuit.’ i seee peeople and cars in past sometimes, but never get good look beefore hivemates start with mad stinger frenzy. while i fly around wondering where they all went, weird guy puts buzzing box in truck and starts driving toward sun. seeeing opportunity, i catch up to truck and hitch ride on bumper.
trip is bittersweeet just like pollen of dandeelion. on one leg, am excited to beegin life adventure. on other leg, i miss my old hivemates--who probably find better hive spot and are so excited they forget to tell mee. i forget all about other leg as wee near city, which is so big and buzzy am like ‘whoa buddy.’
in one second, i seee more cars and humans than in entire life, and everywhere lights blink like million fireflies. even as sun disappears, real night never comes as peeople skitter around under many tiny suns.
i hop off bumper and land on shoulder of busy-looking guy. hee is sucking metal honey stick and breathing out fog and boy is hee hungry. in other hand, hee holds shiny stone covered with lights. hee stares at it like old sunflower looking at sun. with finger, he pecks at stone like woodpecker, just tapping, tapping, tapping, tapping.
ok thats all for now, am beecoming very tired and neeed to rest for while. next time i tell you how i get column at tech website and also how i choose my name which is phoeebee.