Bill Gates made a parody Christmas-themed David S. Pumpkins video in order to promote his Reddit Ask Me Anything on Monday. While the previous sentence is straight out of a piece of dystopian fiction, it’s real, and now I want to die.
How do you feel? Are you okay?
Sure, I might be overreacting. Of course, the video could be interpreted as sweet and playful. Yes, it is ultimately harmless. I didn’t think that dumb SNL sketch could get less funny—I’m a known David S. Pumpkins-hater—but knowing it gets worse makes me want to melt away into nothingness. It’s the same feeling you get when your dad convinces your friends he’s a CIA agent as “a prank” or asks the waitress at Applebee’s for a “drinky-poo” or chooses to perform Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” at family karaoke.
And nevertheless, I’m left with questions: Why make the video Christmas-themed if you’re going to release it in February? Why bring another reference into the mix by dressing his snowmen like Frozen’s Olaf?
In the original Pumpkins sketch, Tom Hanks slaps the asses of the two skeleton men he’s sandwiched between. Why does Gates still use ass-slapping sound effects if he doesn’t, in fact, slap the asses of his analogous snowmen? And why doesn’t Gates slap any asses?
What is he afraid of?