Jack Dorsey and the team at Cash App have invented a whole new way to pay for things: Magic. Well, okay, not magic, exactly. But a Magic Wand accessory! And, okay, it’s not actually new at all; it’s just an existing technology inserted into a different piece of plastic. But it’s a new… shape? Maybe?
Look, whatever stage of capitalism we’re in necessitates making paying for things more appealing to children, so here we are. Anyway, they put an NFC chip in a toy wand. Tada! It’s dumb.
The actual product here is something Cash App is calling Tags, and it puts a payment chip in an accessory (in this case, a wand) and allows users to connect their payment card and tap to pay with the toy. In a press release, the company claimed it is “designed to match the way Gen Z expresses their style and identity,” and “built for on-the-go payments and also shine in situations where phones aren’t allowed or cumbersome to pull out.” Truly, that’s a situation people are running into constantly, and it requires a solution.
Here’s a hypothetical that Cash App posits to justify the accessory: “Paying for food at a venue that’s phone-free, to ordering merch at a music festival without digging through a bag for a card.” Okay, great! Now here’s a new problem: the Tag has to be locked or unlocked via your phone. You unlock it so it’s active while you’re at the show. Now your card is open for anyone to use, and it’s held on a very visible and grabbable keychain as opposed to being invisibly tucked in your pocket as a credit card would be. Or maybe someone could just walk by and tap your keychain with a contactless chip reader and drain your account while you walk around, like a new version of card skimming.
The real reason for the toy drop is probably this line in Cash App’s press release: “A recent Cash App survey of Gen Z consumers also found that 38% purchase collectibles, accessories, or limited edition items at least monthly, more than any other generation.” Guess what? The Cash App tag is a limited-edition release! Buy it while supplies last!
The only thing sadder than the shameless attempt at making people’s own money into a “collectible” is the pathetic collection of men who are mad that the wand isn’t more masculine. Wade into the comments on any post about the wand “Tag” and you’ll find dudes who really want to accessorize but in a way that reaffirms their manhood.
“I guess research shows that women use CashApp the most since a wand was chosen as the launch product,” one person posted. “Kudos for the creativity. What about a male version? Perhaps a sword?” another asked Jack Dorsey—to which Cash App product designer Brad Wrage responded, “Oh don’t worry, more to come.”
That’s right, boys. Cash App is going to make you an “action figure” equivalent to this “doll” like toy. You, too, are considered targets for exploitation.
Look, if you want the cutesy payment accessory because it’s a fun accessory, whatever. It’s fine. Just don’t let this company sell you on the idea that they’ve created something new. They’ve made a “collectible” version of something that has existed for years, that probably won’t have any resale value, but does have a slick marketing campaign behind it. Your money will spend the same whether it’s from a wand or your card, and that’s all Cash App actually cares about.
