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Chupacabra attacks on the rise in Siberia

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Despite the absolutely Dullsville real-world explanations for chupacabras, it seems as if the dreaded goat-sucker has hopped continents.


According to The Moscow News, towns outside of the Russian city of Novosibirsk are abuzz with rumors of chupacabras, who are said to be sipping on some bovine and goaty hemoglobin.


One local named Natalya witnessed the creature's aftermath last month during her morning chores:

I got up and went to the barn to milk the goats. I looked and saw right on the doorstep a goat with its neck thrown back unnaturally. On the neck there was something like a bite mark, the belly was torn, and there were huge claw marks. I came over bad and started screaming, I ran to the house to see the children were alright [...]

Natalya's daughter's uncle Viktor Shushpanov claims to have seen photographic evidence of the fanged cryptid, albeit years prior to recent attacks:

It's come from the devil. I've seen it. My brother, even when he lived near St Petersburg seven years ago accidently photographed a chupacabra. He took the usual family picture and then saw the demonic face through the kitchen window. Grey-red it was, such an unpleasant face, like a bat with fangs [...] My brother showed me this photograph and upon the advice of his family he burned it [...]


It must be noted that these quotes were initially given to the sensationalist rag Komsomolskaya Pravda, but if anybody needs me, I'll be at the print shop, capitalizing on this phenomenon with some CHUPACABRA SUMMER SLAM Y2KXI: SUCK THE GLOBE t-shirts.

Thanks Morris!