What's the opposite of nostalgia? A paralyzing fear of the past? Chrono-nausea? Whatever it is, experience it while watching this video, a depressing strip mall beeper store commercial with a babbling, incoherent little girl. I don't miss you anymore, 90s!

Mickey the Beeper King, who terrorized Indianapolis in the 90s, probably spent less on his ads than he was charging for his $21.09 beepers (69 cents extra for voicemail!). Going with the extreme self-humiliation approach can work, but bringing in the mumbling girl? Is that his daughter? Did he find her on the street, wandering in a cowgirl costume? Both? I wonder what happened to ol' Mickey... someone should page him. Just kidding! He's probably dead. [Buzzfeed]

Update: Giz reader Clint has good news!

I'm from Indianapolis, and ol' crazy mickey is still alive actually. He still owns the same company but is now a Revol wireless dealer.

Good for you, Mickey.