Next month, Vegas hosts the annual Aesthetics Show, an industry conference for the cosmetic surgery community. The topics they’ll be discussing — including the one captured in the headline above — hint at the future of consumer biotech. Or a future dystopia. You decide.

So yeah, there’s a special lunchtime talk on the topic of “Dealing with People that Want Weird Plastic Surgery,” which sound appetizing — and also begs the question of what plastic surgeons think is weird. I mean, I’ve seen some pretty mainstream facelifts that looked like Texas Chainsaw Massacre masks. My guess is that they mean people who want to remove limbs or genitals for personal reasons — or who want faces that look like Orlan’s (pictured above). Or want to grow ears on their arms.

Stellarc with his extra ear

Given all the “weirdness” these surgeons probably have to deal with, I had to find out what non-weird might be.

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First there are the talks with relatively mundane titles that nevertheless hint at the horrible creeping terror that lurks beneath the skin of our civilization. Like these:

Feminine Rejuvenation Goes Mainstream

Avoiding Facial Injectable Complications

Permanent Reduction of Sweat Using miraDry Microwave Technology in the Aesthetic Practice

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Oh my. Can you prevent my vadge from sweating? Or is that too “weird”?

Also, there are great research papers on how to deal with aging:

The Ideal Way to Treat Lines and Laxity of the Neck on All Skin Types with Minimal Downtime

The Future of Hair Restoration

Advanced Body Contouring with UltraShape, Ultrasound Fat Disruption

I feel like I’m at TechCrunch Disrupt from an alternate universe. The future is hair! You don’t need to lose weight any more because our UltraShape app is disrupting your fat!

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But this title might be my favorite, simply for combining “acid fillers” with “aesthetic penile enhancement”:

Introduction of a Novel Office Non-Surgical Procedure Using Hyaluronic Acid Fillers for Aesthetic Penile Enhancement

And finally, there’s a session just for me:

Impact of Social Media on an Aesthetic Practice

I look forward to learning more.

(h/t various journalists who probably don’t want to be named)


Contact the author at annalee@gizmodo.com.
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