Public health hazard President Donald Trump has decided that he won’t be participating in a virtual debate, a format which all but ensures that the moderators get a mute button (and also that Trump doesn’t get more people sick). “You sit behind a computer and do a debate,” he told Fox Business correspondent Maria Bartiromo on Thursday. “It’s ridiculous, and then they cut you off whenever they want.”
An internal FEMA memo leaked yesterday has indicated that 34 people linked to the White House have now tested positive for the coronavirus.
As a preview of the dialogue we’ll be missing, Trump’s campaign manager Bill Stepien, who has also tested positive for covid-19, called the Commission on Presidential Debates “swamp creatures,” attacking them for rushing “to Biden’s defense by unilaterally canceling an in-person debate.”
“President Trump will have posted multiple negative tests prior to the debate, so there is no need for this unilateral declaration,” Stepien said in a statement. “The safety of all involved can easily be achieved without canceling a chance for voters to see both candidates go head to head. We’ll pass on this sad excuse to bail out Joe Biden and do a rally instead.”
Vice President Pence’s team had reportedly fought the decision to install plexiglass barriers at last night’s vice presidential debate.
Despite the suspicious likelihood that Trump still has covid-19, he’s all but denied that he inhabits a puny human body, speculating earlier this week that he’s “immune,” telling the public not to let covid “dominate” them, and insisting that staying in the hospital is not very leader-like.
The Biden campaign has announced that Biden will attend nonetheless. “Vice President Biden looks forward to speaking directly to the American people,” deputy campaign manager Kate Bedingfield said.
Trump will undoubtedly compare ratings. Any questions? Fuck you.