The Future Is Here
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Eat Your Old Gadgets to Gain Their Powers and Pounds

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I used Commodore 64s at school. We did BASIC programming, played Star Wars... It was such a fun machine that I wanted to eat it. Instead, I licked it. Now I can digest it and get its command line powers.

There is something cathartic about eating an old gadget or any other object that tickles your fancy. It may be a freaky tauntaun or a giant Wiimote. Perhaps a bunch of iPhone icons or an R2-D2. Whatever it is, the moment you sink your teeth in a perfect piece of frosted tech is like stepping into fresh snow, or watching the birds shine under the chirping sun after the rain is gone.


It just feels good.

Myself? I like to stuff my face with giant Lego brick cakes. Especially Lego carrot cakes. Call me crazy, but the cake tastes better thanks to its iconic power. Like cannibal tribes who ate their enemies to absorb their qualities, eating a frosted brick makes me absorb bites of good memories. They make me go back in time as I crush keys with my molars, downing sugar, egg, and flour memories through my gastrointestinal tract. And then pooping them out.


See? I'm already back at 13 just by looking at all the photos that Obsolete author, Giz collaborator, and retrogadget wizard Anna Jane Grossman would eat herself. The objects, not the photos. She would eat the photos if they were Polaroids made of pierogies, though.

The only thing I am missing is a Sinclair ZX Spectrum or a Sega Master System. Someone get me that cake and I will be complete. [Obsolete]