First, I want to thank you all for being incredibly unfunny. I used to feel badly about getting paid to write dick jokes, but you have all shown me what an elusive skill it truly is. More specific thanks to the hundreds of you who established that old computers look like refrigerators, Windows sucks, three men in an office will invariable have hot, brown-suited sex, and that Douglas Adams once wrote a paragraph featuring the number “42.”
I braved permanently crippling my ability to “fun” to bring you these highlights:
• New from Ikea – The Vacüm line of office furniture!
• While still fighting time restrictions, the Half-Life 2 code staff works diligently on their state of the art, completely secure vacuum computers.
• 10 PRINT “I HATE YELLOW” 20 GOTO 10
See the rest of the runners-up, plus the winning entry, inside.
• So this is how it works: you see the invader symbol being printed on the teletype,shout to me real quick,i press this button here,an ‘I” is printed,and Ollie there in the back will make sounds like “ziiiing” if I miss and “booom” if I score. We will call this…a computer game. I think we are on to something good here.
• I thought you were going to check permissions.
• Late in the 1950s, scientists were ready for the final test of the theory of Schrödinger’s Beer…
• PC Load Letter”? What the fuck does that mean? (x 6 – ed)
• “Hey Lance, check out my new gaming rig, only half a
ton and gets 2 punchcards a second.” “D00d you gonna 0wnz at PongCon.”
• Release the Kraken.
• So, you say Batman couldnt make the payments, eh?
• Just think, in 50 years computers will be twice this size!
• I *knew* we should have never agreed to be on Trading Spaces
with the guys from Slashdot…
• Geppetto’s children discover the VAX in the whale’s lower duodenum.
• Nick and Dan both realized the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator was missing. John, however, would become aware at precisely the same instant as Sue, his five-year-old.
• Google Engineer 1 (on left): “Gizmodo just posted an article on, get this, an Air-Conditioned jacket!” Google Engineer 2 (in back): “I’ll index it right now.”
And the winner of the Snapstream Firefly PC Remote is Brian Cubbage, who really shouldn’t win, but I swear to god I couldn’t stop laughing when I got his email with this lone entry:
• lol calculator
That’s to everyone who sent in an entry — you maybe weren’t all quite as awful as I let on. And thanks to Snapstream for being nice enough to give out free schwag.
Related
Win a SnapStream Firefly [Gizmodo]
Snapstream Firefly Impressions [Gizmodo]
https://gizmodo.com/win-a-snapstream-firefly-17234
