On Tuesday, the president of the United States began his day with his usual peripatetic stream of tweets that appear to be random but are surely formulated according to a deliberate and thoughtful plan. Amidst the ramblings, President Trump indicated that he may need a little IT help when it comes to using Twitter, and we’ve got word, via Motherboard, that the company’s founder, Jack Dorsey, headed to the White House to offer some personal assistance. For those of you who can not get a personal tutorial from Jack, we’ve got you covered.
It may seem like Trump is just picking disconnected topics out of thin air for him to tweet about in his official capacity, but the reality is that the television is doing it for him. “The best thing ever to happen to Twitter is Donald Trump,” he quoted Fox Business host Maria Bartiromo as saying this morning. He then went off on a rant about Twitter treating conservatives poorly:
I don’t know what “Different names-over 100 M” means, and the ellipsis doesn’t lead into a clarification on his next tweet. He finished his statement with: “But should be much higher than that if Twitter wasn’t playing their political games. No wonder Congress wants to get involved - and they should. Must be more, and fairer, companies to get out the WORD!”
Of all these complaints, the only one I understand is “hard for people to sign on.” And I totally get it! It can be hard to sign on to things. As Motherboard reported, Jack traveled to the White House to discuss “the health of the public conversation on Twitter.”
But let’s be real here, Jack is only going to show Trump how to log in on Twitter and explain that no one is constantly taken “off list”(?) or discriminated against. According to the Washington Post, the meeting just wrapped up moments before publication. And Trump will soon announce that he had a great conversation with “Jack Twitter” and that the CEO promised to stop his deliberate campaign against conservatives. No one will have learned much, time and money will be wasted, and another day in which the president doesn’t nuke anyone will have passed.
But hopefully, above all, Trump will see that logging in to Twitter is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. For the 100 million(?) or so other people who can’t get the presidential treatment, here’s a quick tutorial:
1. Make a Twitter account. This is key to logging on to Twitter. This will require an email and a password. Remember to add an avatar image unless you want some snide-ass liberal snowflake calling you a Russian bot just because you can’t string words together in a coherent order.
2. Once you have an account, go ahead and log out so we can practice logging back in.
3. Go to Twitter dot com or open up the app, and you’ll see a login screen. It requires a username and password but lucky for you, you already made both of these things in step two. Just go ahead and type that shit in.
4. Shit! It’s asking for a code?! What is this?!! Well, I kinda tricked you. Back at step two, you may have done the smart thing and set up two-factor authentication using your phone number. Now, Twitter just wants to send you a code via text message. Check your texts, do you see a random string of numbers sent from an unidentified stranger? That’s the code! Type that shit into Twitter.
5. Enjoy tweeting. (There’s no guide for this, good luck.)