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If You Don't Get Your April Fool Out Of My Face I'm Gonna Turn You Into Chopped Liver

Illustration for article titled If You Dont Get Your April Fool Out Of My Face Im Gonna Turn You Into Chopped Liver

Yo! I'M MR. T!!! What an awesome day it's been, guest editing the Giz. Some of you think it's Talk Like T Day. Well, I'll squash the punk—squash him like a bug—who suggests that April 1 was TLT Day. It's April Fool, FOOL!! And to all you naysayers who think that Gizmodo sucked today, you know that the only thing you can hear is your little pea brain rolling round your head. And when I finish with you, you won't even be able to hear that! By the time I do let you girl scouts go, you're gonna be big on PAIN! But first I'm gonna make you all suffer with the rest of the web's April Fools.


• Nasa's space station robot wants to be known as Dextre The Magnificent. Dextre The Fool!

• Find out if son—or daughter— of T is on its way yet with the ThinkGeek USB pregnancy test.

Virtual peeing with new Wii game the Super Pii Pii Brothers. That's crazier than Murdock.

• Nintendo goes VoIP with the Wii VoIP handset rumor. VoIP? That's what my enemies say when I crush them into the dust!

• The IPCGA bans the HP Blackbird 002 from the International PC Gaming Tournament. Inside, it's deadly!

• Aaargh! My ears! Improv Everywhere's redesign. I wouldn't give that paintjob to a Ford Tempo!

• Gearlog's poop-brown iPod to support people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I can give jerks IBS with just one look.

Google and Virgin want to colonize Mars?, Men don't come from Mars, you know, crazy people do. And crazy people go there!

• Google came up with a couple others: Custom Time, and predictive searches, allowing you to search the future for things that haven't happened yet. That's just stupid jibber-jabber!

• I used to eat LEGO bricks for breakfast and some crazy dude is telling me they contain addictive substances? I Don't Do Drugs!

• RIM is adapting its BlackBerrys to support Windows Mobile . Huh, I could do that with my welding torch.

• The mighty LP kicks the CD in the nuts, sales-wise. Did I say nuts? NUTS!

• Apple was due to reveal both its specs for OSXI, as well as the iPhone Enterprise Infrastructure Server, iPEnIS for short. Now that's what I call takin' Apple Fanboyism to crazy.

• Qualcomm revolutionizes talking with your hand. I already know how to communicate with my hand. Come here and I'll show your face.

• Microsoft makes a fake helmet. That looks like a choppa helmet! I ain't gettin' in no choppa, fool!

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Look. Sometimes real comedy is all about staying true to the essence and soul of the joke. Live or die, ecstacy or nausea, you stick with the joke until it coughs up a lung, craps its pants, or gets run over by a bus. We saw that today. We saw perseverance fly in the face of good taste. I, for one, say "Thanks Gizmodo."

Thanks for giving good taste a facial.